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5 Sneaky Ways Beer Can Kill You

Subtitle: “Why I drink wine.”

1.Beer Tsunamis Can Appear From Nowhere

A flood of beer in 1814 killed 9 people.

In 1814 at Meux’s brewery in London, a gigantic vat of porter burst its hoops sending a huge wave of beer cascading into the streets.  Eight people were drowned in the flood and two houses were destroyed.  Surfing beer dog “Spuds” Mackenzie was held for questioning but never charged.

So many people went to see what a body killed by beer looked like, that the floor of the house where the bodies were on display gave way, and several more people were killed. Sort of a “second hand smoke” beer death.

2. Slacking at the Beer Factory Could Get You “Canned”

Ancient Babylonians took their beer so seriously that if someone made a bad batch, they would have been drowned in it. That is why whenever one of my web design employees did poorly, I had them imagine kissing Mark Zuckerberg until they ultimately took their own lives.

3. Beer Bottle + Horny Beetle = DEATH

Australian Jewel Beetles hump beer bottles to death.

In the ultimate case of “beer goggles,” male Australian jewel beetles tend to think brown beer bottles resemble female jewel beetles. Same color, slightly dimpled surface near the bottom, and light reflects off of them like a female’s wings. The smitten males go to town trying to mate with the bottles and ultimately die in the hot Australian sun, sans progeny.  Male jewel beetles are apparently fervent chubby chasers.

4. Hey Drinker! Uncle Sam Wants You… Dead.

During Prohibition, the U.S. government poisoned alcohol to keep people from drinking it.

Hey Kids! Join me in a nice mug of cyanide…er.. I mean beer? 

The 18th Amendment, which made the sale or possession of alcohol illegal, did little to actually stop people from drinking, even if they had to make booze by hand out of industrial alcohols (fuels, paint, medical supplies, etc).  To try and combat this home brew practice, the Federal regulators ordered the manufacturers of industrial alcohols to add poison to their products. By the time Prohibition had ended, an estimated 10,000 people had died from being poisoned by their own government. I suspect I would not have survived prohibition, but then, I always thought that.


5. Beer Vats are Deadly Sirens

People have a habit of of being overcome by fumes when peering into their vats of fermented yummy juice.

In the early 1900 people were dropping like flies by drowning in large vats of beer. The carbon-dioxide fumes created by the fermentation overcame people peering into the vats to check on them. Of course, not every death was an accident. ANew Zealander named Edmond in a brewery at Dunedin in 1932 left a note reading: ‘You’ll find me in No. 3 vessel. Cheerio to all.’

 

 

Amy Vansant

Voted Funniest Non-Mommy Blog by a Bunch of Moms I Got Really Drunk.Amy has been finding creative ways to make no money since high school.

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