Moms are Nuts: Humor Anthology Funny Stories by Funny People including: Wendi Aarons | Eliza Bayne | Dylan Brody | Matthew David Brozik | Becky Cardwell | Abbi Crutchfield | Sean Crespo | Gloria Fallon | Carol Ray Hartsell | Abby Heugel | Debbie Kasper | Nancy Davis Kho | Kelcey Kintner | Cathy Ladman | Kurt Luchs | Kelly Maclean | Vanda Mikoloski | Mary Laura Philpott | Lisa Page Rosenberg | Marinka | Arlene Schindler | Molly Schoemann | Susan Stobbart Shapiro | Suzy Soro | Amy Vansant | Peggy “Pearl” Vork-Zambory Moms are a lot of things. Teachers, providers, disciplinarians, weird little leprechauns who leave piles of clean clothes in your room… but while every mother is unique, there is one thing they all have in common: One way or the other, they’re all nuts. Turns out you’re not the only person who thinks their mother is sometimes one sandwich short of a picnic. Moms are Nuts is a collection of stories about mothers, grandmothers, mother-in-laws and mother figures who have crossed the paths of some of the wittiest writers and comedians. Laugh your way through 26 brilliant stories… some of which may sound waaaay too familiar. Wendi Aarons Wendi Aarons is an award-winning humor writer and blogger who writes for a number of publications including McSweeneys, US Weekly Fashion Police, The Huffington Post and NickMom.com. She was the co-producer/director of the Listen to Your Mother Austin live stage show for three years and is also one of the creators of MouthyHousewives.com and the much-lauded twitter feed @paulryangosling that garnered national attention during the 2012 presidential election. Eliza Bayne Eliza Bayne is a writer and performer living in Los Angeles. Her popular twitter feed @ElizaBayne has been featured in InTouch Weekly, The Today Show, The Huffington Post, The Wrap, and on The Ellen Show. You can read more of her stories on her blog. Dylan Brody Dylan Brody is a humorist/story-teller (five CDs currently available on the Stand Up! Records label), an award-winning playwright, author (his latest novel, LAUGHS LAST from Wheelman Press has terrific blurbs from Carl Reiner, Paul Krassner and other comedy luminaries), radio commentator and all-around swell guy. He lives in Sylmar, California with his two dogs, Sir Corwin the Beautiful Dog-faced Dog, Brindled Beast of Sylmar and Lord Buckley Sweetlips, Greatest of All Dane Mutts (The Dinosaur Slaying Dog) and his lovely wife whose name escapes him at the moment. Matthew David Brozik Matthew David Brozik is the author of Whimsy & Soda and Taking Ivy Seriously, and co-author of The Government Manual for New Superheroes; …New Wizards; & …New Pirates (Andrews McMeel) and Gooroo’s *Pro*-Magnon Kitchen. His short humor pieces have appeared in/at the New Yorker, “Grin & Tonic” (in the Barnes & Noble Review), McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, AdultSwim.com, and elsewhere. His short, quirky fiction has appeared in/at The Fog Horn Magazine… Mulholland Books’ Popcorn Fiction… Grift Magazine… Redivider… Sycamore Review, and many other places, both in print and online. Matthew no longer has the job he mentioned in his contribution, but he is still a writer. Becky Cardwell Becky Cardwell’s humor has been published in McSweeney’s, The Morning News, The Rumpus, The Bygone Bureau and the Big Jewel, where she recently became an associate editor. She was also a semi-finalist for the 2010/2011 Robert Benchley Humor awards. Like most single 30-something women, she spends her free time holed up in her parents’ basement, joining shady dating sites and falling in love with online con artists. You can read about her experiences at www.justmakingconvo.com. Abbi Crutchfield Abbi Crutchfield is a comedian featured on Comedy Central, VH1, CollegeHumor and in national commercials. Her jokes are listed among the Best Tweets of the Year by Huffington Post Comedy. She is a UCB alum and produces The Living Room Show monthly in New York City. She tours with the popular all-female stand-up group Pink Collar Comedy. Sean Crespo Sean Crespo is a comedian, writer and classically-trained actor who studied at Emerson College and L.A.M.D.A. He’s been called “easily the funniest and hardest working comedian you haven’t heard of… yet” (Bite) and along with comedy/life partner Carol Hartsell, he created the popular web series Pina Colliding. He has written and/or performed on Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead’s “Wake Up World”, “The Electric Company,” Comedy Central’s “Weekly Evil”, The Newlywed Game (joke writer for Sherri Shepherd), the Onion News Network, “The Roast of Anthony Bourdain,” “Viewpoint with John Fugelsang” and NBC’s Television WIthout Pity. Follow him or come see his live show “Lasers In The Jungle” Thursdays at 7pm at UCB East. Gloria Fallon Gloria Fallon is a comedy writer based in New York. She is the co-author of the humor book “I Hate This Place: The Pessimist’s Guide to Life” and a contributor for Someecards.com and The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Carol Ray Hartsell Carol Hartsell is a writer and producer who’s currently the Senior Comedy Editor for The Huffington Post. Her work with comedy/life partner Sean Crespo can be found at crespoandhartsell.tumblr.com, and you can follow her on twitter @carolrhartsell. Abby Heugel Abby Heugel is an editor for employment and and award-winning humor writer and blogger at AbbyHasIssues.com for enjoyment. Her work has been featured on The Huffington Post, Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop and other websites, but she doesn’t want to brag. However, she considers the fact that she has managed to keep her fake tree alive for almost six years and can still do the splits all three ways among her greatest accomplishments. You can see all her books on her Amazon Author Page. Debbie Kasper Debbie Kasper is a two time Emmy nominated writer and award winning comedian, & humor author. Her one woman show won the prestigious DramaLogue award in L.A. for best one person show. She’s written for Roseanne, & The Rosie O’Donnell Show, among others. She’s the co-writer and director of BoomerMania: The Musical About the Baby Boomers which has earned rave reviews on both coasts and will opening in several markets next year. Her kindle single “There’s Men Everywhere–if You Lower Your Standards” by her alter ego Zelda Bing, launches this spring. Debbie’s new one-woman show “The Zelda Bing Experience” will be touring as well. Nancy Davis Kho Nancy Davis Kho is a writer in Oakland, CA whose work has appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle, EContent Magazine, The Rumpus and The Toast. An avid music fan, she writes about the years between being hip and breaking one at MidlifeMixtape.com, and you can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Kelcey Kintner An award winning journalist and freelance writer, Kelcey Kintner writes the humor blog The Mama Bird Diaries. This Columbia Journalism School graduate also drives a gold minivan because you can’t fit five kids on a Vespa. She still secretly longs to be an Olympic ice skater. Cathy Ladman Cathy Ladman has been a stand-up comic since 1981, during the Reagan administration. She’s been on The Tonight Show nine times, on HBO, and numerous other stand-up shows. She’s an actor (“Mad Men,” “Everybody Loves Raymond,” “White Oleander,” etc.), a writer (“Roseanne,” “Caroline in the City,” etc.), and will be opening this Spring in her new solo show, “Does This Show Make Me Look Fat?” (It doesn’t, but she’ll say differently). Kurt Luchs Kurt Luchs has contributed humor to the Onion, the New Yorker, and McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, among other outlets that do not bring shame to him or his loved ones. He also edits the literary humor site TheBigJewel.com, where a number of contributors to this anthology have appeared. His memoir Darling Street, about growing up during the sixties in Wheaton, Illinois, as the child of a Mensa mother and a Mad Men Marine father is sure to sell at least ten copies to his mom if he ever finishes it. Kelly Maclean Kelly MacLean is best known for her comedy Blog on Huffington Post, specifically the widely read blog post “Surviving Whole Foods. She is an American stand-up comic, writer and actress and an alumnus of The Groundlings in Los Angeles which has trained many of her heroes including Kristin Wiig, Will Ferrel and Phil Hartman. She has performed with a variety of sketch comedy and improv troops including the critically acclaimed ‘Fred Willard and the MoHos.’ Kelly’s very first time performing stand up she won the Jimmy Kimmel Live’s ‘Funniest College Kid in America’ contest at the University of Colorado, where she studied journalism (before dropping out to study poop jokes.) She performs stand up and teaches meditation all over the world. You can find her at kellymacleancomedy.com and on Twitter @thekellymaclean. Vanda Mikoloski Vanda Mikoloski has made money being funny for over 30 years. She’s a yoga teacher to the famous and infamous, a personal growth enthusiast and part owner of a cool men’s underwear company www.MyPakage.com. She endeavors to take herself unseriously while doing stand-up comedy at academic and yoga conferences, spiritual centers and the occasional night club. She lives in Venice, CA, with herself. And her next book. Mary Laura Philpott Mary Laura Philpott is the editor of Musing, the literary journal of Parnassus Books; the co-author of Poetic Justice – Legal Humor in Verse; and the creator of The Random Penguins tumblr comic. She writes for several publications, and her work has been featured by such outlets as The New York Times, The Toast, and The Queen Latifah Show. A version of this piece originally ran on her personal humor blog, I Miss You When I Blink. Lisa Page Rosenberg Lisa Page Rosenberg is a former writer/producer/director for television. She is currently the driver/launderer/mother for a first grader name Bob. Lisa writes a daily family humor blog at www.smacksy.com. Marinka Marinka lives in NYC with her two kids, a cat and a TV set. She’s the author of the humor blog, Marinka NYC and her writing has appeared in numerous publications, including the The Huffington Post, McSweeney’s, BlogHer.com, Babble and her diary. Together with her partners, Marinka created the popular @PaulRyanGosling Twitter meme. She has been selected BlogHer’s Voice of the Year, and has been named one of the best humor bloggers (and human beings) by Babble in 2013. She is currently working on her memoir about immigrating to America, titled From Russia With Baggage. Arlene Schindler Arlene Schindler is an author and speaker with expertise in relationships and dating, sharing humorous tales of women’s secrets and desires. Her novel The Last Place She’d Look is a raucous romp through the hidden sex lives of today’s “mature” woman. You can find her at her web site and the Huffington Post. You can find her at www.arleneschindler.com and on Twitter@smunnyschindler Molly Schoemann Molly Schoemann is a humorist from NYC who had a very normal childhood…really. Her work has appeared in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, The Barnes & Noble Review, Jezebel and The Rumpus, among other places. Susan Stobbart Shapiro Susan Stobbart Shapiro practices law in Maryland where she lives with her husband and two children. She mostly writes about legal “stuff” but occasionally writes and publishes a humor piece like the one in this book about her mother-in-law, who she truly admires. Suzy Soro Comedian Suzy Soro is best known for getting the last chocolate babka on Seinfeld. She was also on Curb Your Enthusiasm, another show from the 90s. Obviously she isn’t afraid to drag out her oldest TV credits and pretend they just happened. Suzy’s first memoir, Celebrity sTalker, was published in 2012. You can find her on Facebook and @hotcomestodie on Twitter. Look for her new book, coming out in 2015, All The Bad Sex I’ve Had, a very, very, *very *long book. See all Suzy’s books on her Amazon Author Page. Amy Vansant Amy Vansant is a former editor for Surfer Magazine and author of The Surfer’s Guide to Florida. She now writes humor for places like McSweeney’s Internet Tendencies, the Big Jewel and The Barnes and Noble Review, because the urge to talk to teenage surfers has long since left her. Amy’s contemporary fantasy novel Angeli and a women’s humor novel Slightly Stalky should be available in 2015ish, if she can find a damn agent. You can read more at her humor site, AmyVansant.com or @AmyVansant. She is still stunned all these amazingly talented people agreed to be part this book. Peggy “Pearl” Vork-Zambory Pearl Vork-Zambory has written two chapbooks (“I Was Raised to be A Lert” and “The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats”), the first of which is used as a textbook at Metropolitan State University in Minneapolis, where she also speaks on creative writing. She writes the Mon-Fri blog “Pearl, Why You Little…”, concerning herself with mass transit, corporate cubicle-ism, and whether or not she should be concerned about her cat’s gambling addiction. After an exhaustive search, one of the Moms are Nuts authors, Mary Laura Philpott, was finally able to find nut models she felt sufficiently qualified for our cover’s photo shoot. Not only was the search difficult due to the inherent diva nature of Nutter Butters (don’t even get us started on macadamias, we ultimately had to forego them entirely) but Mary Laura also had a diverse and specific group in mind. As you can see below, it was important to us that we represent all types of mothers… Even after the perfect models were found, bloopers were bound to happen during the shoot. We’re pretty sure we’re going to be dropped by our insurance for this mishap, captured on film. Trying to round up the models and get them to focus was sometimes almost impossible. We finally had to promise them a quarter slice of a cucumber to get back to work. After the cucumber lunch break, they complained they were too full and the shoot was delayed an additional hour. Working with older models can be the most difficult of all. Outtakes & bloopers courtesy of Mary Laura Philpott, because she’s awesome.