There are a lot of things that FREAK ME OUT about the Frebble.
What is a Frebble, you ask?
I’m glad you asked. You’re always so inquisitive. I love that about you.
A Frebble is a product that allows you to squeeze it, as if you are squeezing someone’s hand, and somewhere, far away, someone with another Frebble, can feel you hold their hand.
Now be honest; when you read that last sentence, you had a brief moment of “Aww… ” followed by a shudder that threw the vertebrae in your back out of alignment.
My reaction was confusion, followed by “Oh I get it, that’s kind of sweet… ohwaitasecondhellno.”
First off, my husband Mike and I are not hand holders. When we walk together, if our hands accidentally clank together, we both whip them away like “What are you trying to pull?” This comes from a long history of mocking each other when one or the other tries to be romantic. It’s gotten so bad that should one of us actually try to be classically “romantic” we just burst into peals of laughter. Mike’s gotten so good at over-the-top fake/creepy romantic pantomime that he should be featured in his own horror movie called “Mr. Creepy Pants” or maybe just a short comedy called “First Worst Date Ever.” Picture Pepe Le Pew meets Jamie Gumb from Silence of the Lambs.
So, maybe we aren’t the Frebble’s core audience.
Second, (how come no one ever says “Second off…?”) anything that can hold your hand on its own will eventually evolve into something evil. That’s just a given. You put the Frebble on the counter one night, and when you wake up, it is lying on the pillow next to you, beating like a heart. You hold the Frebble and it spells out “I’m in the house” into your palm (because you know sign language, did I mention that? Or you don’t, so no warning that the other Frebble is coming for you).
Third, there is just something… er… suspicious about the shape of the Frebble. I fear people will find all sorts of ways to remotely touch each other. Internet/phone sex will be taken to a whole new level. Twitter will be full of anguished cries like “But we Frebbled!” and “I never should have Frebbled you!” and “Frebble YOU, asshole!”
I dunno. You can decide for yourself. You can back their Kickstarter and read more about the Frebble on their web site.
If you dare.
Just keep it the Frebble away from me.
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