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Furry Little Walk Nazi

Mike and I started walking about three miles each morning with our dog, Gordon. If you have a dog, you know that if you do something twice in a row, you’re in a pattern.  If you have a dog, don’t start something with the dog if you don’t plan on doing it for the rest of your life at exactly the same time of day and in exactly the same way.

The first few mornings were fine. We were into our new exercise routine. We even looked forward to it. But after a few days, our joints and muscles started to get a little tired, and we thought maybe we should take a day off to rest.

The day we decided to take a break from walking, I woke up in the morning and sat at my desk. About the time we would usually be getting ready for our walk, I heard a rustling noise behind me.  I turned around and saw this:

 

Ignore him, I thought.  I turned back and tried to go back to work, hoping he would go away. That’s when I heard an annoyed little grunt. I turned to see from where it came.

I turned around and tried to go back to work. The back of my neck started to feel hot. I think Gordon actually stared lasers into the base of my skull. I heard a little foot stomp, coupled with yet another grunt. I ignored it.

It got quiet. Thinking Gordon must have given up and laid down, I turned to sneak a peek.

 

I sighed. I know I am no match for his dog-will. I decided to give in and go for the damn walk.  Glowering at him, my hips already aching, I ask:

Do you want to go for a walk?

What’s that Mommy? A walk? What a novel idea. Why yes, I would like to go to a walk. Thank you for thinking of that, I never would have come up with it on my own.

It has been 12 straight days of walking. Mike and I are tired. But what can you do with that face staring beams of pure guilt straight into your soul?

I can only pray for rain.


Amy Vansant

Voted Funniest Non-Mommy Blog by a Bunch of Moms I Got Really Drunk.Amy has been finding creative ways to make no money since high school.

12 Responses

  1. Carolyn

    Rain????? Since when does THAT make a difference? I get wet with Noodle, my Labradoodle on a regular basis. But then I live in the Netherlands, and we’d never get out if we waited for the rain to stop! :-D

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    • Amy Vansant

      It rained today (finally) and he refused to go out… but he threw an empty Gatorade bottle around for a while to show how angry he was about the whole situation.

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  2. Cathi Palmer

    My miniature Schnauzer, Gus, does the exact same thing…we call it “stare down”! He’ll stare until I begin getting the walking shoes on, then he jumps as if he’s spring loaded…My husband says Gus is using his doggie mind control on me…scary thought…Schnauzer mind control!

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    • Amy Vansant

      Having owned a terrier before (schnauzers not strictly being terriers, but same idea) I know what little terrorists they can be!

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  3. katmama60

    you live at my house we go at 6:30 pm every day he knows what time it is. and my dog looks like your only golden in color.

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  4. Rochelle

    Tori is very schedule driven too… she sits by the door with that ‘doodle tilt’ and waits for me to put her leash on to walk the kids to the bus, she knows when the buses come to bring the kids home, and she can tell the difference between a weekday and a weekend! Her “job” during the week is to go wake up my husband at 7:10, and wouldn’t you know, at 7:10, off she trots up the stairs barking at the closed bedroom door. Gotta’ LOVE these smart pups!!!

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    • Amy Vansant

      I’ve read that domesticated dogs are basically wolves who figured out they could get fed regularly if they hung out with people and tried to please them. So they became masters of reading our facial expressions and actions, in order to better please us. By now it is an out and out super power. The guy on “Lie to Me” has NOTHING on a dog. (even though he does tilt his head like one.)

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  5. Name (Required)

    Too funny. My dog has a few routines that he makes sure we stick to. It is funny how they actually control us sometimes.

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  6. Grace Lewis

    I read somewhere recently that if you fill a sports drink bottle with a little of the actual drink and then, um, dilute it with vodka it makes all sorts of activities much more bearable and sometimes enjoyable.

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