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Trip Advisor Parody – Jefferson University Hospital Hotel, Philadelphia PA

snipadvisorJefferson University Hospital Hotel Review*

“Robes are all backwards.”

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A family member of mine recently stayed at the Jefferson University Hospital Hotel. He purchased the “Small Intestine Escape” package and while overall the experience was good, there were some oddities.

Upon arriving he was asked to disrobe and lay on a table. Impressed they would offer a free massage at check-in, he complied. However, when he awoke, he felt groggy and found a stitched incision on his belly.  A member of the staff entered his room (without waiting to be let in) and told him if his incision bothered him, he should click the button beside his bed.

Naturally the incision DID bother him! Clearly, the masseuse had been too rough! (Though try as he might, he couldn’t remember the massage itself.)  He did indeed click the “Morphine” guest system button, but doesn’t remember anything that happened after that. Later, he clicked the device a second time, but again, time seemed to fly. This continued for several days.

On the third day, he found the complimentary robes flimsy, backwards and impossible to secure. The hallways were busy and noisy. Hotel staff would come and go with little or no notice. While he appreciated the attentiveness of the hotel staff, he found questions like “Have you had a bowel movement today?” unusual. Inquiring whether he needed dry cleaning or would like the linens changed would have sufficed. The forgetful staff also left a plethora of antiseptic and other cleaning materials scattered about his room.

There was no pool or minibar.

His greatest complaint was the kitchen. No matter what he ordered through room service, he always received a tray of orange juice, soup, jello and vanilla ice cream. He’s nearly certain he ordered a steak, but with the time gaps he can’t be 100% sure.

Beyond these small complains, he found his time at Jefferson University Hospital very restful. One of the staff members joked that they took about 16 inches of his small intestine, which he found a witty commentary on the expensive room rates.

“I think you took an arm and a leg!” he quipped.

“No, no… it was small intestine,” said a staff member, pretending to check a chart.

What a joy to have such a funny staff!

 

 

*This is a travel review parody based on a recent family member’s hospital stay. This is not Trip Advisor. The Trip Advisor name, logo, etc. all belongs to them. Please don’t sue me.

Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant

Author Amy Vansant enjoys long walks on the beach, anything to do with her Labradoodle Gordon and frantically getting nothing useful done.
Amy Vansant

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