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How to Write a Sex Scene: Honey Boob Boob

write a sex scene

How do you write a sex scene?

I’ll give you a little test. I’ll write a sex scene and you tell me how it could be improved.

 

How to Write a Sex Scene #1: Honey Boob Boob

He gripped the bottle of honey in his large, manly hands, his thumb teasing the cap from the glistening tip.  She licked her lips.

He moved towards her and dripped the sweet liquid across her breasts.

She gasped.

“Oooh,” she groaned. “Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how sticky this shit is?  This shirt was brand new! You idiot! I’ll have your job, dick for brains! I didn’t even want honey, I take my tea with milk you moron! You are the worse Starbucks barista ever!”

~~~~~ Aaaaaaaand SCENE. ~~~~~ 

 

Now if you were going to write a sex scene like this, how would you improve it? There are at least 10 major errors in this scene. Can you spot them all?

*insert Jeopardy music to which I do not own the rights*

Ready? Here are the How to Write a Sex Scene answers!

  1. I didn’t point out how curvy honey bears are. (The kind with honey in them, not Pooh. And by that, I don’t mean  honey bears filled with poo, but Winnie-the-Pooh, who is a honey bear. I guess. I mean he likes honey, I think that’s pretty well documented.)
  2. I didn’t use the word “wet,” “steamy,” “sweaty” or “moist.”
  3. Our protagonist was wearing a new shirt, when she should have been prepared to have her top ripped from her heaving bosoms at any sexy sexy moment.
  4. Nobody groped anything or anyone.
  5. Nobody panted. There was a gasp and a groan, but every sex scene should have at least one of each, as well as a moan, a squeal and a “can I get a woop woop?”
  6. Nobody “breathed” a sentence. For example: “It looks like your transmission is shot,” he breathed. “Oh no,” she said, panting. “My warranty just expired.”
  7. I didn’t mention it’s gettin’ hot it here, which would have encouraged our characters to take off all their clothes and earned Nelly royalties.
  8. I mentioned nothing oblong in shape. There had to be a biscotti there somewhere.
  9. While the Barista was passable, he really should have been a pizza guy, pool cleaner or plumber.
  10. Not a single champagne bottle popped to signify the end of the scene.

 

How did you do? Did you guess them all?

Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant

Author Amy Vansant enjoys long walks on the beach, anything to do with her Labradoodle Gordon and frantically getting nothing useful done.
Amy Vansant

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17 Responses

  1. Dale

    I’m not an English teacher but the first thing I saw was many hands too!

    Oh, and there’s no mention of where they are! Sprawled across the dining room table? Lost amongst the shags of the carpet? Spread-eagled on the hood of the car?
    Dale recently posted..I’m Inspired
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