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Mounting evidence I might not be that bright.

*this could become a regular series.

When you graduate Salutatorian it can give you the idea that you’re pretty smart.

Then, when you look back and realize you were Salutatorian  of your eighth grade class…

Of 12…

It seems less impressive.

Thoughts like that don’t hit you until your late 30s or so, because prior to that you know everything in the world. Sure, you put a few pennies into electrical sockets,but that doesn’t prove anything. Why would someone electrify a slot so OBVIOUSLY meant for a penny? Electricians are stupid.

Once the inkling that you might not know everything starts to creep, suddenly, evidence is everywhere. It’s like that Bones episode where you guess the killer in the first ten minutes. You know that one? The one that was on from 2005 until the last time it aired?

Mounting evidence I might not be that bright #1:

I hit me yesterday, in the shower, that I had listened to “Gangnam Style” in the shower every day for two weeks. Not only is it an empty piece of pop drivel but:

  1. I bang my elbow on the shower wall every time I try to do the “giddy-up horsey” move. Any idiot knows you can’t properly pretend to throw a lasso in a shower stall and that escaping cattle rarely hide in a shower stall. Still, I persist.
  2. The “slide across the floor” move is actually quite dangerous in a shower and you can only move 2 inches before moving back to the starting point and beginning again.
  3. I now actually believe I’ve translated the Korean phonetically including such moving lyrics as:  “Summer Hair!”  “Silence is golden…” and “Korean I don’t know.”  (That last line being the only bit that is certainly correct.)
  4.  I actually drew a picture on my Aqua Notes of a dragon (one of the few things I can draw) to ACCOMPANY me during my shower performances.

Smart people don’t do things like this.  Stephen Hawking doesn’t dance in his shower to terrible foreign pop songs.

Ok, bad example, but you get what I mean.

Amy Vansant

Voted Funniest Non-Mommy Blog by a Bunch of Moms I Got Really Drunk.Amy has been finding creative ways to make no money since high school.

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21 Responses

  1. Abby

    Don’t feel bad. I can’t even dance in the shower right now because I sprained my foot running down the stairs two weeks after I opened a freezer door on my head, resulting in a mild concussion.

    Smart people don’t do things like this, but they’re also a little bit boring. I like us.
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  2. Lance

    Actually I translated the main chorus of Gangnam Style as “it feels so good to take so much money from dumb americans”.

    You’re too awesome to be “unbright”
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  3. Nina Potts

    Watch a bunch of bad horror movies, or some Law and Order SVU, those always make me feel smart. Five minutes in you’re yelling at everyone because you know everything thats going to happen. This is also fun if you want to pretend to be psychic. I like to yell after they characters do something I specifically said not to do “Nobody listens to me”. Except in movie theaters, then everyone is listening to me, and somewhat irritated. But I’ve taken xanax before hand, so they don’t know that I don’t care, and that my “inside” voice is no longer functional.
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  4. bluzdude

    Even with the Penny Thing, you’re still ahead of me. I once bit an electrical cord (which was plugged in, mind you), because I couldn’t pull it out of the wall. (It was in my way.) It shocked my 4-year old ass across the room and scared the bejesus out of my mother.

    Still, I don’t think I have too many side effeslasgoghosadgth
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