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My Bullied Bus Monitor Video Would be a Little Different

$650,000 for being picked-on by children? Really?

Unless you’re a Tibetan monk who’s taken a vow to avoid the 24-hour news cycle, by now you’ve seen the video of bus monitor Karen Klein mercilessly abused by a pack of brats (it’s below if you haven’t).  A guy named Max Sidorov started a fundraising campaign on indiegogo.com to raise enough  money to send this patient lady on a nice vacation.  The goal: $5000.

The campaign made over $650,000 in donations, which means Klein’s future worries will be confined to brats roaming Virgin Atlantic’s first-class seating to Paris.

Where was Max Sidorov when I was 12 and that horrible girl started a slap fight with me? Of course, she ended up jacked against the wall until she calmed down, at which time I released her.  Here’s a quick tip for bullies: Tiny bitches should not start physical fights with Future German Hausfraus of America.

I’m proud I restrained myself from smacking sense into that Chihuahua of a girl. But, even captured on film, I doubt it would have garnered me the sympathy heaped upon the bus monitor. In fact, my defending myself could have made ME look like the bully.

I’ve been doing it all wrong. I had no idea being a victim could be so lucrative. My reactions, particularly to rude kids, are generally more like Kristin Wiig as Annie in Bridesmaids:

Annie: “Oh, I feel bad for your parents.”
13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store: “I feel bad for your face.”
Annie: “Okay, well, call me when your boobs come in.”
Girl: “You call me when yours come in.”
Annie: “What do you have, four boyfriends?”
Girl: “Exactly.”
Annie: “Okay, yeah, have fun having a baby at your prom.”
Girl: “You look like an old mop.”
Annie: “You know, you’re not as popular as you think you are.”
Girl: “I am very popular.”
Annie: (sticks tongue in cheek and mimics fellatio) “Oh, I’m sure you are verrrry popular.”
Girl: “Well, you’re an old, single loser who’s never going to have any friends.”
Annie: “You’re a little c***!”

It’s ironic that the anti-bullying zeitgeist’s representative hero would be an elderly bus monitor, when the shows like Glee that helped ignite the movement did so by featuring kids historically singled out by their peers for verbal, mental and physical abuse. On the Today Show Klein stated, “It’s like I almost don’t feel like I deserve it.”
Almost? No, sorry, dear. There’s no “almost” about it. I really feel for you, I even choked up a little watching the video, but $650,000 for being teased by kids you technically had the ability to report is like giving an Oscar to the kid who played “tree on the left”  in the local Kindergarten play.  Klein has a big family and I really can’t blame her if she spends every cent on them, but I hope, as she promised, she’ll give a little to a good anti-bullying charity. Or pays a really cool kid to make those little asses’  lives a living hell. Sometimes two wrongs just feels so good. And there is little evidence their parents are up to the job.

I thought to make money as a victim you had to throw yourself in front of a bus or slam on your breaks and cry whiplash; both of which sound painful. Now I know I can just place myself near some bratty kids, resist the urge to defend myself, and wait for the magic. 

So if you’re looking for me, I’ll be in the front yard, wearing my most unflattering outfit, screaming at kids to get off my lawn.

Bring your iPhone.

Amy Vansant

Voted Funniest Non-Mommy Blog by a Bunch of Moms I Got Really Drunk.Amy has been finding creative ways to make no money since high school.

13 Responses

  1. Judy Black

    I agree , there is no almost about it. I feel for her,in a job she hates but I hate my job too . Kids can be like sharks that smell blood. Thanks for posting, I hadn’t the video. I had been curious about it. One of the guys at work said that those kids were receiving death threats and Disney World had given her a free vacation. p.s. I’ll come join you screaming at kids for free.

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    • Amy Vansant

      Although I joked about it myself a bit there, now the kids are getting death threats? Apparently the “no bullying” message didn’t quite sink in.
      I’ll set up a lawn chair for you. Bring the cocktails. :)
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  2. Abby

    I agree that it was a cruel thing that those children did, but at the same time, WTF? This stuff happens all the time, and if YouTube and the like had been around when I was younger, half of my middle school classmates would be paying me out for a lawsuit.

    But bullying in general is just cruel–for adults or children–and I agree that something has to be done. It just seems that the money could have been used for something a bit more “worthy,” so to speak. Perhaps I’m a little out of line, but just paying people off rubs me the wrong way (unless I were to receive compensation, of course.)
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  3. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd

    I’m not clear about what her responsibility as a bus monitor is. Isn’t the point to keep those kids in line? If there’s a bus monitor, isn’t there some kind of policy involving punishment/consequences she had the power to use, like you mentioned? The whole thing confuses me.

    I absolutely hate bullying. I think the better solution would be for Disney World to levy a lifetime ban on those kids and all future offspring. Like The Hunger Games but amusement park attendance-related.
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    • Amy Vansant

      Exactly. What the kids did was HORRIBLE and I’d like to hang them all by their obnoxious little haircuts for their behavior (or maybe just their WONDERFUL parents.) But they shouldn’t hire monitors who burst into tears when a kid calls them fat. They should hire monitors that report the little brats and make their lives as miserable as they tried to make the monitor’s. Make SOME attempt to teach them a lesson; otherwise you’re just a seat warmer.

      I imagine the position is free now, though.
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    • Amy Vansant

      Don’t forget their parents! At least a good $400,000 should go towards making the parents miserable. They’re probably more miserable now because they’re embarrassed by what their kids did then they are over the fact they clearly have failed their children.
      Mimosas? Morning drinker. *high five*
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  4. kathy

    You are right, what about their parents??? Man, who was that said something about .. instead of making the world a little better for our kids, how about making our kids a little better for our world….

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