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No Video Skills Theatre Presents: The Guy Who Dumped Adele

dumped adele

I’d love to make little funny videos, but have neither the time, skill or cast to do so. So, I’m introducing a new series “No Video Skills Theatre” which I’m spelling “Theatre” instead of “Theater” because it is more pretentious that way.

Today’s installment:

No Video Skills Theatre Presents:

“THE GUY WHO DUMPED ADELE DOESN’T GO OUT MUCH ANYMORE”

INT.  HOUSE – EVENING

A party in full swing with people milling about or paired in conversation clumps. A man walks up to another man standing alone against a wall.

PETER

Hey, Charles! How are you?

CHARLES

Good. How are you, Peter.

PETER

Good! Gosh, I haven’t seen you since you were dating… um… what was her name?

CHARLES

Adele.

PETER

Oh right. Adele. Mm. Sort of an ugly breakup, eh?

CHARLES

You could say that.

A woman walks up to Charles, angrily slaps him, and then walks away shaking her head with distain.

PETER

What was that about?

CHARLES

(shrugs)

Happens all the time.

PETER

So, I heard you settle down?  Married now?

Another woman walks up. Charles winces and then relaxes. He reaches out to put his arm around the woman.

CHARLES

Peter, this is my wife, Gwendolyn

GWENDOLYN

Hi, nice to meet you.

PETER

(shakes Gwendolyn’s outstretched hand)

Hi nice to meet you. So… are you a singer?

GWENDOLYN

I’m a receptionist.

PETER

Oh. (mumbles) So no castle.

GWENDOLYN

What’s that?

PETER

You’re not rich, own a house like a castle, nothing like that.

GWENDOLYN

No.

PETER

Hm.

Woman storms up and throws a glass of wine in Charles’ face.

WOMAN

(screaming at Charles)

How could you DO that to her? She LOVED YOU! SHE. LOVED. YOU!

(woman sobs and runs off)

CHARLES

(calmly)

Dear, the towel…

Gwendolyn reaches into her large purse and pulls out a towel already stained with red wine. She hands it to Charles who uses it to wipe his face and chest.

PETER

So…do you ever talk to Adele anymore?

CHARLES

(cleaning himself off)

She stopped by unexpectedly the one time. Other than that, no.

PETER

That new guy of hers is sort of like you.

CHARLES

No. Not really. He’s better. He’s a lot, lot better.

PETER

Oh. Well…at least you know she wishes the best for you.

CHARLES

(stares at Peter for several seconds)

Shut up. OK Peter? Just shut up.

PETER

Right. Well, no worries. Sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts —

CHARLES

SHUT. UP.

Peter nods and wanders off as another woman walks by and slaps Peter.

CHARLES

(to Gwendolyn)

You were right. Too soon. Think it’s time to go.

Gwendolyn nods and they leave.

(First seen on Funny or Die)

Amy Vansant

Voted Funniest Non-Mommy Blog by a Bunch of Moms I Got Really Drunk.Amy has been finding creative ways to make no money since high school.

11 Responses

  1. Heather Gray

    Hilariuos. I want to be Gwendolyn in the actual low budget theatre production. I have a flip video and acting experience! :-)

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  2. Cadry

    Hilarious! As a big Adele fan (you know, me and nearly every other person on the globe…), this struck me as particularly funny. Poor dude. I especially liked the line, “Sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts…”
    Cadry recently posted..Olive Pit Pottery + a Giveaway!

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  3. Lance

    BRAVO!

    Let’s be honest, whether it’s Carly Simon (You’re So Vain), Patty Smyth *Goodbye To You), Alanis Morisette (You Outta Know, Adele, or Taylor Swift (her entire catalog), being a music to a crazy female musician is a badge of honor. Real people will admire you for dumping a whackjob to settle down with someone that isn’t prone to sleeping with her drummer, doing lines of coke off a Motel Six toilet, or brag about blowing you in a Theatre or Theater.

    This should be a regualr series. I’d like to play the 10 hockey players You Outta Know is aboot.
    Lance recently posted..100 Word Song – Beautiful Disaster

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  4. bill major

    i can see why he dumped her, she looks like a hunchback……lol

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  5. Tracy

    My husband gets a little tweaked when I mention him on my tiny little blog, even in a good way. I can’t imagine what would happen if I wrote a world famous song about him breaking my heart.

    Poor Charles. Looking forward to the next installment of No Video Skills Theatre.
    Tracy recently posted..Man to English Dictionary
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