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Obnoxious Real Estate Terms All in One Sentence

Watch a lot of house shows? Do some of the terms they use over-and-over-and-over rub you the wrong way? Then this sentence should just about kill you.

This charming bungalow, with excellent curb appeal, has abundant outdoor living space, colors that poptray ceilings, a walk-in closet big enough for the wife (where you going to keep your clothes, honey? ha ha ha), wainscoting, uh, cotting, whatever – location for a pedestrian lifestyle, ample room for a man-cave, seasonal water views, and is priced to sell by a motivated seller -must see – ready to sign your life away?

Definition of Terms

  • Charming: Old.
  • Bungalow: Built for dwarf Oompa loompas.
  • Curb Appeal: They’ve removed the block engine hanging in the tree for showings.
  • Outdoor Living Space: Someplace to go to get out the shitty house you just bought.
  • Pop: If you use that term again, I WILL punch you.
  • Tray Ceilings: My only desire was a ceiling with depth, so that is awesome.
  • Where are you going to keep your clothes?: Yeah, no one’s ever made that joke before. You’re so clever.
  • Wainscoting: Does ANYONE know how to pronounce this word?
  • Pedestrian Lifestyle: Girls are less scared to walk to my apartment. Sometimes they struggle when I try and push them in a car.
  • Man-Cave: Your husband is a douche.
  • Seasonal Water Views: In the summer the water park next store is in operation.
  • Priced to Sell: The old lady who loved this place is dead, and her greedy kids just want the cash.
  • Motivated Seller: They would do anything to get out of this hell house.
  • Must See: …so you know what you DON’T want in a house.
  • Ready to sign your life away?: Your Realtor just never gets tired of that joke.

 

Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant

Author Amy Vansant enjoys long walks on the beach, anything to do with her Labradoodle Gordon and frantically getting nothing useful done.
Amy Vansant

3 Responses

  1. Kara

    Man cave – I suspected, but was afraid to say it out loud. Thank you!

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  2. Amy Vansant

    Don’t you just want to punch them in the face when they start talking about how this room will be “their man cave?” Dude. Why don’t you just pound your chest like a gorilla an pee on the corner to claim it. Grow up.

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