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The Superhero Fight

This is why Mike and I never get any work done.

Superhero fightMike: Superman couldn’t get Lois Lane.  He doesn’t have a job.

Me: He has a job, he’s a reporter.

Mike: Like a beat reporter. Plus he’s probably been laid off by now with the Internet and everything. What would Lois see in him?

Me: He’s Superman. He can give Lois anything she wants.

Mike: Except an apartment.

Me: He could burrow down into the ground and bring back diamonds.

Mike: He’d consider that stealing. Or at the very least, stealing jobs from Africans. Morally, he couldn’t do it. He’d be broke. If I could be a super hero, I’d be Batman.

Me: But Batman doesn’t even have superpowers. You could die, and you’d have to work out and stay in shape…

Mike: But I’d be super rich. I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I’d be a little moody…

Me: Yeah! You’d be all moody and weird. Batman is an awful choice.

Mike: But I’d dig a tunnel from our house to the neighbors house and use that as my bat cave.

Me: The neighbors might have something to say about you popping up in their living room.

Mike: I like Aquaman, too.

Me:  Aquaman is next to useless. And what does he do for a living?

Mike: He can talk to dolphins!

Me:  Big deal! How often does that come in handy in real life? You think Lois would be better off with a guy who smells like fish?

Mike: Aquaman is cool.

Me:  Aquaman is stupid. I’d be Jean Grey from the X-Men because she has telepathy and telekinesis which —

Mike: She’s not a real person.

Me:  None of them are real people!

Mike: I mean she doesn’t count. You have to choose from classic superheros. Superman, Batman…

Me:  They’re all D.C. comics.

Mike: D.C. rules. Superfriends.

Me:  I’m more of a Marvel person.

Mike: Screw the X-Men. When did they show up? Like the 60s? They don’t count.  They’re a bunch of freaks. They probably all work as Carnies when they aren’t fighting crime.

Me:  They don’t work as carnies!

Mike: Of course they do. What else are they going to do?

Me:  Actually, I think maybe The Blob did work in a Carnival…

Mike: I’d be Batman. I’m no carnie.

Me:  Whatever. I’ll warn the neighbors you’re on the way. Freak.

Mike: I’m Batman.

Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant

Author Amy Vansant enjoys long walks on the beach, anything to do with her Labradoodle Gordon and frantically getting nothing useful done.
Amy Vansant

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12 Responses

  1. Lance

    Mike is off base.

    Green Lantern – power ring & friendly with aliens

    Wolverine – bad ass, knives for fists, never has to be worried about being bullied despite being only 5’3″

    Spiderman – awesome, and has two good looking girlfriends – MJ & Gwen

    Deadpool – funny

    Marvel FTW

    Hi, I’m a nerd.
    Lance recently posted..Gigantic – Twisted Mixtape Tuesday

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    • Amy Vansant

      I know, RIGHT? I mean, EVERYONE knows Aquaman is the lamest superhero of all time!!

      Don’t judge him too harshly. He was a “cool” kid in high school. Honestly, I don’t know how this relationship ever worked.
      Amy Vansant recently posted..I Hate California Wine Country

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  2. cj

    Amy!!! HAHAHAHA!!! So many laugh out loud moments in this post. And then at the end, Mike actually claims to be Batman! That is off the hook. Tammy and I totally get this. We call it talking shit and we do it as much as possible. Nice work!
    cj recently posted..When Control is the Best Option

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  3. Melissa Marie

    I had a similar conversation with a friend’s husband the other day. With his 4 year old singing Black Sabbath’s ‘Iron Man’ in the background. Kind of one of those best moment’s of my life kind of moments.
    Melissa Marie recently posted..Go lay down.

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  4. Nina Potts

    This sounds very similar to mine and my girlfriends argument about Hawkeye. It took me a while to see he is somewhat useful (and a good read of his wikipedia page).

    Though we do agree on the uselessness of Ant Man.
    Nina Potts recently posted..Locking myself back up
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  5. maab

    you didn’t mention that Dick Grayson was raised by a circus family? and that he and Batman had all that weird sexual tension?

    just saying… clearly Batman is into carnies… and Dick

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