Kid-Free Living Manifesto
- Some of us will not produce offspring, even though we know they would be better and smarter than any other kids we’ve ever met.
- Some of us have kids, but we get a little giggly whenever they’re asleep or out of the house. Don’t hold that against us. We used to be people who did selfish, stupid, incredibly fun things just for US, dammit, is that so wrong?
- Some of us have kids, but they’re all grown up and out of the house and …what were we talking about? Hand me another cocktail.
- Will be patient with the people who tilt their heads and sadly stare at us when we say we don’t want or don’t have children because they believe we are missing a magical precious thing, all the while reminding ourselves that we are not contributing the over crowding of the planet and that when we’re done talking to these people about diaper changing we can go have a cocktail.
- Will satiate any maternal or paternal instincts that just won’t seem to die by doting unnecessarily on our dogs (or, in a pinch, cats or other pets). This may include making up nicknames for them, giving them funny voices with which they talk to us, and letting them sleep in our beds (refusing to make them move even when our legs and back are beginning to spasm because they are taking up all the room.)
- Will strive to make strong, long-lasting friendships with people younger than us so we have people to take care of us in our old age – just in case our spouses or younger siblings die before us or the kids we did have are ungrateful assholes. Otherwise, we are screwed.
Some Kid-Free Links: