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Why I always have to do everything

An actual conversation with my husband, Mike.

Mike: The lid is still off the hot tub and it is too cold for me to go put it back on.

Amy: Come on, I always do it.

Mike: Sorry, can’t do it. I’ll leave it open all night. I’ll leave it until it is filled with copperheads and rats.

Amy: Copperheads and rats?

Mike: Yep.

Amy: And how exactly are copperhead snakes getting in the hot tub?

Mike: They come out of the bay. And I’ll tell you what, if electric eels get in there, you’re going to be sorry.

Amy: Electric eels… How do they get in there exactly?

Mike: It’s cold and they can sense the heat. They aren’t stupid. They come out of the bay and sliver up into the hot tub.

Amy: They sliver up there?  What are you cockney now? (with English accent) “Ooh aww, them snakes are gonna sliver up the street, Governor!”

Mike: I just call it like I see it.

Amy: And I don’t know if there are copperhead snakes in Maryland.

Mike: Then how do you explain the Great Copperhead Invasion?

Amy: The Copperhead Invasion.

Mike: Yes. The Copperhead Invasion. Where do you think the song comes from? (singing to the tune of Depeche Mode’s Black Celebration) It’s a Copperhead Invasion…

At this point I go and put on the hot tub cover. He wins again.


Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant

Author Amy Vansant enjoys long walks on the beach, anything to do with her Labradoodle Gordon and frantically getting nothing useful done.
Amy Vansant

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