Funky Hybrid Animals
13 Hybrid Animals you’d want to be if you were
very silly, or just really, really high.
False Killer Whale + Bottlenosed Dolphin=Even FALSER killer whale.
2. Oak Tree Hybrids
Nature’s tree-trollop mates with anything. Species-namers commonly joke about not being able to keep up. You probably remember all those “oak trees are such whores!” jokes whizzing around the internet.
Liger – Lion & Tiger (oh my). Largest cat in the world. Except maybe that thing Abby from Abby Has Issues just adopted. BA DUM DUM! (kitty ain’t bitty).
Jungle Island, an interactive animal theme park in Miami, is home to a liger named Hercules, the largest non-obese liger (<—I like the way Wikipedia adds that “non-obese” bit in there.The other FAT liger says F-YOU, WIKI!). Hercules is recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records as the largest living cat on Earth, weighing over 904lbs. Or in Charlie Sheen-speak, about a weekend of pussy.
Lion and Leopard (apparently Lions get around, but really, who’s going to stop hybrid animals that can eat you.)
Zonkey (Zebra/Donkey), Zorse (Zebra/Horse) and Zony (Zebra/Pony).
Zebroid hybrid animals are the offspring of zebras and any other equines, like horses, a donkeys or Tori Spelling.
6. Green Sea Slug
Hybrid Animals so green Al Gore claimed he invented them.
Slug & Plant. Green sea slugs are hybrid animals because they taught themselves to produce their own chlorophyll. Basically, it kept stealing plant characteristics until it practically became the plant, just like your roommate in college with no knowledge of The Grateful Dead suddenly started following Phish around the country after she met that guy in the tie-dye tee. When mothers say “You can grow up to be anything you want, sweetheart!” they’re usually hoping you move UP the food chain.
7. Pizzlies (Grolars)
Grizzly Bears + Polar Bears = Coca Cola commercial that kills you.
Cow & Bison (Double your subfamily “Bovinae,” double your Whopper.)
Horse + Donkey.
Sheep & Goat (A Shoat is already a young pig, so you have to go Geep. Plus, it just sounds cooler.)
Camel + Llama
I’ve said it before, but I’m pretty sure Llamas and alpacas are aliens living among us. First they mate with camels… then Marlboros… then HUMANS.
Oh, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!
Whaddyou lookin’ at, Earthling? I got the butt-lift, now I just need the nose job and I will BE YOU.
12. Savannah Cat
Savannah cat is the offspring of a domestic cat and a serval—a medium-sized, large-eared wild African cat. These hybrid animals weight 20lbs or more, but it’s their stunning length that catches the eye. I’m not a huge cat fan, but I gotta say, a cat that could walk around in my robe is pretty impressive.
Some hybrid animals almost look human. Liberal pundit James Carville, married Republican political pundit Mary Matalin. They produced two female Repubocrats, which surprisingly, look almost normal. Surprising not because their parents are from diffent parties, but because Dad is James Carville, a post-molt snake. The daughters aren’t holding dogs, they’re holding LUNCH. Let’s look away before they detach their jaws…