Email This Post Email This Post

5 Things More Appropriate for Miley Cyrus to Lick than a Sledgehammer

Dammit, I really didn’t want to jump on the bandwagon and pick on this poor girl but…if you haven’t seen Miley Cyrus’ video for “Wrecking Ball” you should, because it is hilarious. I’ll put it at the bottom for you. In short, she rides around on a wrecking ball, sometimes naked, and has an intimate relationship with a sledgehammer. The whole thing is about as subtle as a wrecking ball.

wrecking-ball-video

We get it, Miley. You’re not Hannah Montana.  But more importantly, there are SO many other things you could be licking!

 

Miley Cyrus Lick Sledgehammer

You’re missing a big marketing opportunity here, Miley. Not to mention lunch. Eat Fresh. Not hammers.


Miley Cyrus Lick Sledgehammer

While you’re trying so hard to attract a new audience, have you even considered philatelists?


Miley Cyrus Lick Sledgehammer

Your boyfriend Liam Hemsworth won’t like it, but humping Robin Thicke’s leg probably wasn’t high on his list either.


Miley Cyrus Lick Sledgehammer

No one knows the pain of being a newborn, orphaned kitten… except Miley Cyrus. See? You could be the new Sarah Mclachlan. (cue the sad puppies!) Though…you’re already pretty close to becoming the thing people jump over their sofas to turn off.


Miley Cyrus Lick Sledgehammer

BUUUUURRRRN!


 

The video:

Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries.
Amy Vansant

12 Responses

  1. meleah rebeccah

    I am hysterical laughing at this whole post. My favorite is: “You’re missing a big marketing opportunity here, Miley. Not to mention lunch. Eat Fresh. Not hammers.” BAhahahhahHAhahah!

       1 likes

    Reply
  2. Stephanie

    Best commentary on the Miley shit show!!! I freaking lol’d my butt off at every single one. Your photoshop skills are OFF THE HOOK!! Hahahahahaha

       1 likes

    Reply
  3. Lance

    She should lick Madonna and see if her talent and intelligence flow through her.

    Of a Klondike bar. Everyone will do anything for one of those

       0 likes

    Reply
  4. Tammy R

    Oh Amy, this one really got me. I rarely cry when laughing, but I just had to swipe a couple off my face. The fact that you added “newborn” to “orphaned” really got me here. That, paired with the Sarah McLaughlin follow up just put me over the edge. Oh. I can’t take it!!! Too funny!

       0 likes

    Reply
    • Amy Vansant

      Can’t tell you how happy it makes me to hear you were crying – wait, er… that didn’t quite come out the way I hoped…

         0 likes

      Reply
  5. Tiffany N. York

    It’s a shame there’s no wrecking ball to destroy my memory of that video and Miley’s tongue. I’m going to go soak my eyeballs in bleach now. Thanks.

       0 likes

    Reply
  6. Tressa

    Who was that odd actress who was on display in a NY museum sleeping in a glass box? When her box is empty, Miley should just start crawling into it and banging whatever/whoever is around and get it over with already.

       0 likes

    Reply
    • Amy Vansant

      Ha! I think her in a glass box with her tongue pressed against the glass would be good too… maybe should could do that on the weekends.

         0 likes

      Reply
  7. Marie Shanahan

    Ha!!!! LOL!!!! 🙂 I laughed my HEAD OFF reading this. 🙂 I like the last one, the block of ice. That has GOT TO BE a funny Christmas Card this year to discourage young girls from growing up to behave like a frigging screwball.

    I hope she grows out of this. That poor kid. God be with her.

       0 likes

    Reply

Leave a Reply to Marie Shanahan Cancel Reply

Your email address will not be published.