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12 Responses

  1. Abby

    This would be why I don’t answer my phone.
    At work, I simply tell them Abby has been imprisoned after going postal on her coworkers–holding them hostage with random office supplies and an assortment of paper clip chains–due to excessive telemarketing interruptions.
    Unfortunately, this only gives them pause before they ask if I think she would still be interested in a subscription to Ferrets Magazine.

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  2. Amy Vansant

    Me too. I rarely answer my phone now, and if your number comes up as “out of area” you’re really out of luck.

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  3. Aimee

    Ok, Here is the story of how one southern gentleman wrecked a whole room of telemarketers for the entire shift….

    There was once a point in my life where I was desperate for money, during our last recession, where I had the choice of telemarketing or stripping. I became a telemarketer. I was setting appointments for a home alarm company when I got the call that pretty much ended my telemarketing career. There was this kind gentleman with a soft voice and a southern accent that said, ” Ma’am, I don’t need a home alarm. I have a three legged pig.”

    Now my curiosity got the better of me and I just had to ask,”three-legged pig?”

    “Yes ma’am, I have this pig named Little Boy. He was rejected by his mamma for bein’ a runt, so’s we took him in our house and fed him with a bottle till he was big enough to eat regular food. We didn’t want to set him back in the pen for fear his momma might hurt ‘im, so we kept ‘im in the house and raised ‘im like a dog,” the man said.

    “Awww,” was all I had time to reply before the man continued.

    “Well, it came one winter day that I fell off the ladder in the garage and I broke my leg. I’d have laid in that garage and froze to death before my wife came home. Little Boy kicked up a fuss and cried and carried on so loud that my next door neighbor heard and came over to see what was wrong. He found me in the garage and got me to the hospital. Little Boy saved my life that day.”

    I was entranced by this wonderful story. What a brave little pig! I said, “Wow! That’s really amazing…”

    The man interrupted me, politely, “Oh my Lord, if you think that was somethin’ you should hear about the time he save the whole family from the fire.”

    “Fire?” I questioned.

    “Uh huh, fire. We had us a house fire at night after the whole family was in bed. Seems one of our kids left his toys too near the space heater and it caught fire. The fire spread to the couch and the curtains and in no time the living room was a blaze. We were asleep on the second floor and had no idear the place was on fire. Little Boy must’ve smelled the fire and woke up. He ran to the kids room and pulled off their blankets, then he came into our room and pulled off our blankets too and squealed and kicked up a ruckus when we woke up we smelled the fire and called 911. The fire department came and managed to save the house all because of Little Boy.” The man paused.

    I had just enough time to think to myself that he said the pig only had three legs. What had happened, was he hurt in the fire when he saved the family? I just had to know, so before he could go on, I asked “What happened to Little Boy? How come he only has three legs?”

    The man replied with a smile in his voice, “well young lady… if you had a pig this good, you wouldn’t eat him all at once either.”

    Then he hung up.

    It slowly dawned on me that this guy just took me on a 20 minute ride to tell me a JOKE that happened to be funny as hell. I started giggling….then laughing my ass off. Of course everyone wanted to know what was so damned funny. So I told them, with tears of laughter I managed somehow to choke out the whole story. The entire room of telemarketers were laughing like hell. We tried to calm down and get back to work but someone would have to start giggling again and the room would fall into fits of laughter. Some one else would snort and the laughter would start again. We all got sent home that day because we just couldn’t stop with the giggle fits. I can’t believe I fell for that story hook, line and sinker.

    That was the best call I’ve ever had.

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  4. Amy Vansant

    I had my fingers ready to “snopes” this when I got to the end – it was too perfect to be a true story! At least you got a laugh out of it after having people hang up on you all day!

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  5. LB

    I’m setting my TIVO to catch “Crazy Bitch Cage Match.” Jerry Springer without the stupid questions.

    Telemarketers used to be fun – we’d answer, “oh yeah s/he is right here, let me get him/her…” and set the phone down and walk away. If they’re still there after you’ve returned from folding laundry or making a mojito, take turns with, “who ya looking for? Oh yeah, hold on…”

    That Do Not Call list has finally kicked in now. Bliss.

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  6. lafemmeroar

    The Interrogator:

    This type of telemarketer tries outwit you into saying yes by asking a bunch of stupid questions that require a yes answer.

    First the sales pitch: “This (useless) thingamajig I’m selling will save you money (you don’t have) and time (from doing something you don’t need to do).” After the pitch, he questions your intelligence: “Don’t you want to save money? Don’t you want to save time? Smart people buy thingamajigs. Would you agree with me when I say that you are a very smart person? Aren’t you glad that we have a 12 month installment plan for the thingamajigs?

    This type of telemarketer that tries to use the Socratic method in sales needs to have his thingamajig whacked, grounded and served to the dogs.

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  7. Stacey

    Telemarketers used to call my parents’ house all the time. My brother very rarely answers the phone, but once I saw him do it, and he happened to get a telemarketer. The telemarketer asked him, “Is this the man of the house?” To which my brother replied, “Yes, this is God,” and hung up.

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  8. Aiyana

    I just had a really good one – someone called this morning – not sure if it was a telemarketer or a bill collector. They asked for my recently deceased stepmother. I told the woman “Karen” that she was 11 months too late, or 1 month too early. “Late or early for what,” Karen asked? “Late for her funeral, or early for the one year wake my sister and I are throwing,” I replied. She doubted me. I regaled her with the last lingering months, and she hung up on me!!!!! I don’t think that she will be calling me back 🙂

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    • Amy Vansant

      Well, clearly your stepmother maliciously died just to screw that woman out of her finders fee. Of course she’s bitter.

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  9. Dawn Mitic

    I am getting ready to do a speech next week on “My Pet Peeve” Telemarketing. The following will be in my speech. I really don’t like it when the caller will not take no for an answer. I let them get through their whole speech. Trying to let them get practice. After they are completed, I ask, “Can I ask a question?” They usually are in agreement. Here is my question…”Would you like to host a Pure Romance Home party?” I continue with, my niece is a dealer, here is her number give her a call, I am sure it will be great. Maybe you would like to have a Pampered Chef Party?” “I have a friend that is a rep for Pampered Chef, here is her name and number.” They usually try to give me an excuse or hang up on me. End of call.

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