I hope you are having a good summer holiday. This is just a note to let you know about some changes here at Nobblesnuff’s Academy of Wizardry.
As you know, thanks to the Harry Potter series, we’ve had a banner last decade. We grew from a graduating class of 5 in 2000, to 3575 in 2007. But following the release of the last Potter book, enrollment, as you know, has dropped dramatically. And while this year we’ve received a boost from the release of the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows movies, it has become clear to upper management that we must change our core marketing message if we are to continue to thrive as the tri-state area’s number one ranked school of magic.
Changes to expect in September are as follows:
- There has been a significant retooling of our curriculum. Teachers have been individually notified of reassignments, but to avoid confusion, attached you will find a revised list of class titles. For instance, Care of Magical Creatures will henceforth return to it’s previous title, Working with Rabbits and Doves. “Transfiguration” will be “Card Tricks.”
- Transportation services will no longer be referred to as “The Nobblesnuff Express” and will simply be “A Taxi” or “The Bus.” Use your own discretion based on the destination and needs of the student. We feel confident this change will save some confusion when talking to dispatch.
- The Quidditch team has been dissolved. We thank Coach for his years of service. On a side note, if anyone needs a broom, we have several dozen for sale. While not terribly functional, they do make excellent Halloween decorations.
- Due to cutbacks, we will no longer be employing a school “ghost.” We thank my brother Frankie for his years of terrifyingly heartwarming service.
- While we test out some exciting new marketing strategies, we will be changing our name from Nobblesnuff’s Academy of Wizardry back to Joey’s College of Magic. We had quite a bit of stationery left over, and it will be available at the office.
- Finally, speaking of exciting new marketing strategies, we will henceforth be actively encouraging the admittance of vampires and werewolves! Brochures for our new School of Lycanthropy (featuring a state of the art gym, comprised of no less that five ab machines!) are available in the office. We’ve added more night courses to accommodate the undead, including our new coffin building course. Please stop by and say hello to our new wood shop teacher, Harry. As a side note, anyone possessing wooden wands from last year’s courses are respectfully requested not to bring them to night classes.