Some awesome dating tips via Bored Panda who borrowed it from Retronaut who apparently got it from BuzzFeed who probably found it in their grandmother’s closet. That woman never got lipstick on a man’s handkerchief, bless her little browbeaten heart.

Comments by me. Photos and original captions by some misogynistic ballscratcher.

Remember, even if he bores you to tears, it’s better than sitting at home chewing your gum with your mouth open.

See, I always used to meet my dates with a plate of bear jerky and a flaming case of syphilis. A smile makes so much more sense.

But what if you use their handkerchief to make a cute hand puppet? Do they like it then? I’m pretty sure they like it then.

And when a man walks, he wants to walk. And when a man eats, he wants to eat. But when a man poops, he wants to read the paper. That’s a tricky one.

Have you seen my nipples? Neat, huh? BOING! *maniacal laughter* BOING!

Is this a cold sore? You sonovabitch, DID YOU GIVE ME MOUTH HERPES??

Hold still, you have potatoes in your ear…. Oh, nope! It’s a QUARTER! TA-DA!

“Betty, I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure this water glass is actual filled with human tears. I hate this place.”

I never realized transmission fluid was so fascinating! Tell me more.

I’m cool with the other tips, but they lost me on this one.

Is it me, or is this girl just a bit of a tramp?

See, there she goes again. Trollop.

Hooray! See? I told you the rufies would work! That’ll be $20 – sure, I’ll take a check.

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Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries.

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4 Responses

1. 

   meleah rebeccah September 4, 2013

   you are one of the funniest people on the whole internet!!

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     Amy Vansant September 4, 2013

     You are dangerously close to me adopting you and then the whole damn site is a farce!:)

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2. 

   Lori September 4, 2013

   oh, that’s the funniest thing ever! The quarter in his ear cracked me up and what the heck was she doing to the guy in the next booth?? Funny!

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3. 

   TracyontheRocks September 6, 2013

   ha! And I thought dating today was hard- love your commentary!

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   Reply