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16 Responses

  1. Diane Valerius Radel

    Mike, I feel you buddy. I once, while waiting for a ferry, had a large black bird fly down, and violently pluck hair from my head. Presuming the bird planned to use my former hair for nest building, I immediately decided that I should change my hair color to something other than “Straw.”


  2. Dale Rogerson

    Oh my Lord! What a great way to start the day – well, it started almost four hours ago but I digress… That is hilarious!

    I do feel for you Mike – but I feel way more for YOU Amy! I have three “Mikes” in my house… 😉


  3. cj

    Amy! I wonder how Mike would handle the slithering gecko in the living room. We had this a few months back while trying to enjoy our books. We thought it was some horrible beast of an insect. Then we found it hiding under a table, scared to death. We were embarrassed for ourselves. I picked him up between thumb and index and put him/her out. Sweet little thing…

    But sparrows are another story. They’ll peck your effing eyes out and feed them to their chicks.


    • Amy Vansant

      We have a lot of skinks around here, that he doesn’t love, but we haven’t had one in the house … yet…


    • Dale Rogerson

      Aw jeez… maybe it was Leonard? We lost our poor little gecko. Never found his remains… we fear maybe Zeke (our German Shepard) ate him and left no evidence. ‘Twas a sad day in our household, my son had him for 7 years….


  4. Melissa Marie

    I went to pick my mother up to drive her to the airport a few years ago and she casually mentioned she thought they had a squirrel in the house. “And you’re going on vacation with a squirrel living in your house?”

    Knowing English, as squirrels do, and comedic timing, it appeared jumping from the drapes like a cirque du solei act.

    Our mission was then to drive the squirrel out of the house. But it was stupid. And despite my best efforts to look like a scary wall, all he saw was an obstacle to overcome and he ran at me, used my body as a launch pad (leaving tiny little scratches I assumed would lead to rabies) flying over my shoulder and into a room that didn’t have an open door.

    Much like Mike, I screamed like the zombies had bitten me and ran into another room because it was clear the squirrel wanted me dead.

    I’ve never fully recovered and can’t walk by a squirrel in the park without my chest sort of humming… or maybe it’s just me humming… but squirrels are scary.


    • Amy Vansant

      I laughing – read a story once about a squirrel using things as a springboard which was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read, so I had a good mental picture!


  5. Deb

    Haha, Post Traumatic Sparrow, awww…. Well, I have to say that having a bat fly into your house is even worse. That would have threw him over the edge, I’m sure. And those things carry diseases. They say they stick to your hair too… not sure if that’s an ol’ wives tale. Not sure what an “ol’ wives tale” is anyway. Carry on..



  6. Lance

    We have this going on now. Apparently a humming bird nest is located in our basement. There are at least two Hitchcockian horrible birds. My middle daughter is a brown belt in judo but scared to death of these birds. Maybe Lyla and Mike should form a support group.


  7. Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point

    Hmm… That sounds like one of those death birds. They are always trying to get in my way while I’m riding my bike to work to get make me crash. And then die. Mike was right how he acted. You can’t be too safe when dealing with death birds.


  8. slapshot

    Once upon a time, I feared the avian too, until my (now ex) wife insisted that we get an African Grey Parrot.

    I have had sole custody of him since our breakup (she practically threw him at me as I left) and I’ve learned very well how to contend with flying things.

    I will admit that when he runs around my apartment, yelling “GONNA GET YOU!”, it can be a bit disconcerting, but the main thing is to remember that you intimidate them as well.

    Stern looks, and making him watch me cook chicken while I explain that I am eating DEAD BIRD, seem to have an effect. Also, vacuuming the floor works! (As an extra bonus it scares the hell out of the cat and thus keeps it in line as well)

    My efforts seem to be paying off because although he always asks to “Go in the car?”, he hasn’t asked to borrow it yet.


  9. Raymond

    My grandma used to say “a bird in the house, a death in the house.” Here’s hoping it’s the bird who bites it. 🙂


  10. Nina Potts

    This all just sounds like a brilliant lead in to an April Fools joke.

    Maybe you should tell him how that movie “The Birds” was made (it involved real birds dive bombing people a bit).