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Boobie Washer

On Fridays I sometimes post stupid little things.  This would be one of those…

I found an application submitted for “Boobie Washer” on the bathroom counter. I do not remember placing that particular “Help Wanted” ad.  “Knee Polisher,” sure. I think most people spend a good part of their lives looking for a good knee polisher. But “Boobie Washer?” Ludicrous.

I’m assuming my husband left it there, hopefully for me.  His credentials are less than stellar, but it is the only application I’ve received so far.

$500 per boob seems excessive, though.


Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries.
Amy Vansant

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21 Responses

  1. Nicole

    Only Mondays? That means 6 days of dirty boobies. That doesn’t seem acceptable. I’d send him a rejection letter.

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      • @bluenotebacker

        Kinda surprised folks having trouble with this one. Tell me you’ve never had armadillo roller skates!

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  2. Abby

    I would like to know why he feels you need to wash your boobs only once a week. This disturbs me only slightly more than the fact that he rides armadillos.

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    • Amy Vansant

      I’m most confused by “Social Security No: “Never Tested”” Took me a while to get “Date – Really?” but I’m still working on the SSN comment.

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      • Abby

        Agreed. I just let that one go, as he was obviously drunk when he applied, therefore negating any need for drug testing before proceeding with the application process. Good luck!

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  3. Brandon, from My Own Private Idaho

    If he can only do Mondays, I can come in and help on the weekends (and an occasional weekday when I’m not working).

    I have references!

    I have a resume a mile long. In college, not only was I a boobie washer, but I also did booty buffing on the side.

    The moment when you’ve shined an ass so well you can see your reflection? A proud moment indeed.

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    • Amy Vansant

      I’m afraid nepotism has won the day already. Plus he threatened to stop mowing the lawn if I didn’t hire him.

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  4. SarcasticNinja

    $500/boob sounds like he’s trying to rob you. Especially given the low fuel costs associated with transportation by armadillo. I would refuse to pay a cent over a hundred for the pair.

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  5. Kristen

    The price is steep considering he added the “ie” in Boobie Washer. $500 per might be reasonable for a Boob Washer….but Boobie? I don’t know if he takes his job seriously enough.

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  6. Amy B

    Where are these 2 armadillos parked? I’m a little nervous about this. They’re messy. Everything else seems like pretty standard language…

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  7. Callie's Mariner

    Is this the only application you got? Perhaps you should hold out for a less lazy Boobie Washer.

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