Bother-in-Law’s House of Horrors in Pennsyltucky

correctedflyer1I am one of those lucky people who has in-laws they adore.  I get along fabulously with Gary, my “Bother-in-Law,” because he’s a big, loud-mouthed redneck. Big, loud-mouth rednecks are a TON of fun when they are yours. Other people’s loud-mouthed rednecks can be kind of scary, but having one of your own is awesome. I recommend picking up yourself one.

We recently visited the Bother-in-Law for a belated Christmas exchange. I gave my nieces a health monitoring bracelet thingy and a skateboard, and they gave me the flu. Seems fair.

Actually, to be fair, we were just getting in the car to visit when Gary called to let us know his eldest daughter had just come home early from school because she didn’t feel well. We thought, eh… we’ll be fine. They neglected to mention the younger niece sounded like the Play-doh Percolating Flem Factory. You know, the one who likes to drape herself all over me because she’s knows I hate physical contact? That one.

Hence, I’m sitting here coughing, so sick of eucalyptus drops that I could drop kick a koala bear.

That all being said. Some things are worth it. We had a great time. We played Cards Against Humanity, which is hilarious, particularly when drunk. And my sister-in-law gave me the little gem to the upper right there which she received from school.

It’s a seminar about keeping kids safe, with fun activities like:

  • Yoga
  • Hoola Hoops
  • Drunk Driving

Wait… what? What is that? How to drive with one eye closed? Staying between “the mustard and the mayonnaise” until you get home?

  • 911
  • Bullying

Wait… bullying? Aren’t we supposed to be stopping them from doing that? Not teaching them how to do it better?

So, while I stumbled off to bed that night pretty sure my niece had just given me that simian flu that ended with Charleston Heston staring at the Statue of Liberty and screaming about damn dirty apes, it was all enough to pay me back for a week of utter flu hell. Until I went to sleep in their guest room. Here’s the view from the bed:



I always forget about that damn room until it is too late.

That one on the left is TOTALLY STARING AT ME.


Amy Vansant

One Response

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.