Bullock, Twilight, Lohan Nail Parody – Kid-Free Living News

Week of July 5th

Sandra Bullock Gets a Divorce
Jesse James doomed to a life of sad, regretful Nazi sex.

Twilight Saga “Eclipse” Movie Released, TruBlood Series Continues
There is a whole section of nothing but Vampire Novels in my local Target.  Anne Rice says: “I’m pretty sure I covered all that during the 80s.”

Twilight’s Kristen Stewart says she’s “Boring” in Real Life
Boring in real life, boring in the movies, boring on a train, boring on a plane…  she’s being interviewed on Jimmy Kimmel right now and I..zzzzzzz…….

Professional Eater Kobayashi Jailed
Last thing you want to be known as on your way to jail: a professional wiener gobbler.

Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” Not Actually All That Interesting
Turns out Zach Galifianakis writes all his material. Without his scripts, tends to fall back on quipping “that’s what she said.”

Marianne Sunderland, the mother of 16-year-old  sailor Abby Sunderland has her Eighth Kid
Child set to be first person to circumnavigate the world in Elmo water wings. Sponsors wanted.

Lindsay Lohan Tweets that a Waitress Just “Punched Me in the Face”
Millions take a moment to live vicariously through waitress.

Lindsay Lohan Sentenced to 90 Days in Jail
No Ms. Lohan, says judge, to bratty trainwreck with “fuck you” written on her fingernail. Fuck YOU…

Victoria Beckham to Become New Range Rover Design Executive
X-ray thin ex-Spice Girl’s new interior promises to easily seat 20 “fashionable people worth driving with.”

Father & Brother of  Harry Potter Actress Afshan Azad Charged with Threatening to Kill Her
Discovered she was actually a dirty little Muggle.

Paris Hilton Detained for Alleged Pot Smoking in South Africa
Smoke up, Johnny. It’s not like pot can make you any dumber.

Toy Company Accused of Laundering Drug Money
“My Little Junkie” Doll removed from shelves.

Amy Vansant

One Response

  1. joey chestnut

    Kobayshi gains Joey Chestnut this time. That is actually captivating in order to find exactly how they consume satay, not certain exactly what satay is actually?



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