Email This Post HomeHumorCan You Quit Farmville? Mafia Wars? Amy Vansant September 14, 2010 Humor 11 Comments I have a small problem with video games, in that once I start one, I can’t stop until it is finished. For this reason, I cut myself off from buying anything other than exercise games for our Wii (because I never have a problem ending exercise). If I didn’t, instead of working or writing or keeping my world organized, you would find me 100 pounds heavier; eyes wide as saucers, surrounded by cupcake wrappers, covered in Cheetos crumbs, and happily shooting flesh-eating zombies or playing 80’s throwback games 20 hours a day. Then, shortly after I joined Facebook, I had some downtime and noticed a game called Mafia Wars. For some reason I didn’t make the leap in my head that this was just another game. I thought I’d try it, and that would be the end of it. One year later I had probably spent at least an hour a day, EVERY DAY, playing Mafia Wars. You have maybe made this error in judgment yourself. Maybe you’re raising pigs on Farmville or serving up meals in CafeWorld. Maybe you can’t stop shuffling those damn jewels on Bejeweled Blitz. Maybe, like my mother, you’re like a heroin addict, shaking and scratching until your Scrabble nemesis (me) finally makes her move and you can play that Q you’ve been holding on to for four turns. Pop-up on Facebook Scrabble: ***You’ve just played all your letters! Would you like to notify your friends of your high score?*** Ah, no. Leave me with some dignity please. I am proud to say, I quit Mafia Wars last month, cold turkey. I had a level 830 character and I abandoned it like Jimmy Hoffa in a cement piling at Giants Stadium. I can’t tell you how liberating it was. I feel like I’ve tacked two extra hours on to my day to get things done, which, effectively, I have. I’m not going to go on and on like some self-righteous ass who just quit smoking and has to yap about how much smoke stinks and how it is going to kill you, and how its been proven to give Tourettes to lab mice and how he’s pretty sure a pack of Camels once told him to kill his family. But if you’re on the fence, you might want to consider quitting some of the more time consuming games. Here are some reasons why: 1. Time Suck I literally spent close to two hours a day clicking buttons for no reason except I was hoping to get my imaginary character a new weapon that would make me marginally more powerful and therefore able to get other cartoon weapons. I wasn’t learning a new language, making money, sharing time with my loved ones (who sat on the sofa angrily staring holes through me because they wanted me to watch the TV show with them and not drool all over my laptop as I whacked imaginary mobsters.) Game playing offered nothing to be gained except some warped sense of accomplishment because I brought down a Mob Boss anyone with a mouse and an index finger could have killed. At the time, I thought of it as my “peaceful mindless downtime,” but in reality it became more like a job that never paid. 2. Zynga is Evil Zynga, the company responsible for Facebook’s most popular games, like Mafia Wars and Farmville, is clearly evil (allegedly). Their CEO, Mark Pincus openly admitted to stealing ideas, running deceiving ads to trick people into spending money, and other just generally evil things (allegedly). (just Google “Zynga is evil” for plenty of details.) Does this make him any different than a lot of CEOs? No, but it doesn’t mean I have to let him put my character in positions where I feel the sick need to spend a few dollars to continue playing past my ability to do so naturally. Maybe “naturally” isn’t the best word there, but you get the idea. My games shouldn’t suggest I maybe use my mortgage to buy an imaginary AK-47 with mounted grenade launcher every time I turn it on (even if it is bundled with a real live (not really) ninja warrior with rage issues). 3. Farmville and Mafia Wars are turning YOU evil. I’ve heard people say things like “I playFarmville because it makes me feel good to tend to a garden, even if it isn’t real.” That sounds almost noble. But then there is this factoid: The number one Google search for Farmville is “Farmville.” Number two? “Farmville cheats.” You expect gangsters to cheat, but organic farmers? Shame on you, ya dirty hippies. 4. You don’t have to be connected to loons you wouldn’t talk to on a bet in real life. One of the particularly evil aspects of these games is they make it almost impossible to do well unless you get people on your team. This means unless you are the most popular person in the world, you end up having to befriend hundreds or even thousands of people you don’t actually know on Facebook. They do this, of course, to pull more people into their games. While my Mafia of 1200 seemed comprised of largely nice individuals, I did occasional acquire a crackpot whom I had to quickly “de-friend” because they wanted me to see their naughty pictures or kept “tagging” me in photos of monkeys and hookers. 5. You can actually see good posts by people you actually know. Once you quit and DE-friend all these strangers, you’ll see that suddenly you notice a lot of posts on Facebook that you had been missing. Posts from actual friends. When the clutter of mafia wars was gone, I found out all kinds of fun things. And nobody kept trying to post gibberish and advertisements on my wall page, so I could once again open up the ability for friends to post to it. 6. It is totally dorky and makes it really easy for people to tell you to “get a life,” leaving you with no real logical counter argument. Come on. Playing these games is REALLY dorky. I am already really dorky in many other aspects of my life; I don’t need another. So there you have it. Six really good reasons to stop feeding your chickens on Farmville. They won’t really starve to death. I swear. Or at least notice when what used to be fun starts to feel like a chore. That is the first sign. That and your face on the milk carton in the kitchen that you haven’t seen since you hit level 50. Your family misses you. ***Facebook, Scrabble, Zynga, Bejeweled Blitz, Tron, Mafia Wars, Farmville, CafeWorld, Cheetos and all other trademarks are the property of their respective owners, evil or not. About Latest Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Teach Your Dog to Talk, Win a Kindle, Deals & Steals - November 7, 2019 Winners of the Name the Skull Contest, Book Giveaways & Deals - October 29, 2019 The Vultures Show Up, Cool Furniture – Book Giveaways and Deals - October 15, 2019 11 Responses Cammie Kilpatrick Watson September 14, 2010 Thanks! I managed to quit smoking, drinking, recreational herbs and other loser habits, but I am playing 3 games for at least 5 hours a day. I know it is dumb, but your article shows me how SILLY it is, too. I’ll be quitting/cutting down. . . next week? 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant September 14, 2010 Good luck! Every time you think you’re out, they pull you back in! I can tell you it is an amazing feeling when you’re done. You feel like a bunch of responsibilities have been taken off your shoulders. 0 likes Reply joni September 16, 2010 This is an excellent post! I see people throwing hard earned money on virtual objects, be it a house, farm items, whatever! I say, if you’re going to throw money away, geez, give it to charity, or help someone in need! I love the games too but I would never pay CASH money for anything virtual that I can’t touch taste and feel! I’m glad I have an old computer, the graphics keep the games from loading, only after I’ve wasted too much time on them. Maybe my computer knows better than to let smut in? 😉 0 likes Reply Angelika October 2, 2010 Hello fellow PostZoom Winner! ☺ I must admit to being addicted to MafiaWars, Farmville, Cafeworld & FrontierVille. Since I just started with FrontierVille 2 or 3 days ago & I’m still having trouble with the foot my mother tried to cut off, I’ve pretty much stopped playing everything but FrontierVille. I even let my crops wither!!! *thud*. Whatever, since I have nothing but time on my hands, it’s not the time suck that it is for people with actual lives. Anyway, I like your style! I’ll be stopping by here much more often. 🙂 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant October 3, 2010 Congrats to you too! If you can quit the others, surely you can quit Frontierville. How many raccoon skin caps can one person collect? 0 likes Reply joni October 3, 2010 Wait! They have raccoon skin caps? 😛 0 likes Reply Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd November 23, 2011 I new I had a problem when I created a Farmville account with my husband’s Facebook profile, just so I could send myself gifts. I gave it up over a year ago and never looked back. Ok, I never looked back because I started obsessively playing Rock Band, but still. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant November 27, 2011 I had multiple Mafia Wars accounts for giving myself gifts too. So sad… 🙂 1 likes Reply Soccer Conditioning Drills June 27, 2013 I used to be able to find good information from your blog posts. 0 likes Reply rik July 20, 2013 Thanks for the article. It opened my eyes and made me realize how I wasting my life on mafia wars. Today I deactivated 6 MW accounts and will not obcess with this pointless, never-ending game. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 21, 2013 Good for you! Years later I still have flashbacks… But I’ve also written nearly two books and countless articles and blog posts and done all sorts of things instead of that junk! 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!