Humorous personal musings.

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Me Me Mea Culpa

When you don’t have kids, it is almost impossible to not be a little immature. A tad selfish. It isn’t our fault. Please don’t hold it against us. The fact is, we just never had our Ah-Ha Moment. When you ha...
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Miss Buttocks

Since our electricity in Annapolis goes out every time our neighbor sneezes too hard, we thought it would be a nice idea to get stranded at my brother-in-law Gary’s house for Super Bowl weekend rather  ending u...

Banking Crisis

I hate going into banks. It isn’t just the long lines – it’s that intense uneasy feeling that comes from talking to people through five inch thick, bulletproof plastic. Your brain can’t help but do the math: ...
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Beats the Hell out of Pixie Stix

Only a Kid-Free person could have come up with the idea of giving kids cocaine for tooth aches. Every parent knows a freaking powdered donut can make them hyper. Just what you need---  a three and half f...

Yeah, but it’s no Toaster Beret

So I ran into this cute idea for chairs that keep scratching your floors. Very cute, but I'm a little concerned now my ottoman will want a pashmina.
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My Mother, the Informant

I like to play a little game with my mother called “Married, In Jail, or Dead.” It goes like this: Mom calls me, and says: “Did you know a Mark Smith in grade school?” At this point, I know “Mark Smith” i...
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I sat down at my keyboard yesterday and, almost immediately, heard the all too familiar BOOM! Of the electrical transformer blowing. Lights out. *Poof* goes the power. That’s ok, I think, trying to stay p...
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Thong, thong, thong, thong, thong.

Lately, I’ve had an important question on my mind. When are you too old to wear a thong? 40? 30? When your ass has official touched the back of your knees? “When you just look ridiculous in them” isn’t...
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Street Cred

Secretly, our family with children WANT us living the Kid-Free Life. It doesn’t matter how many times in their younger days Mommy and Daddy woke up curled around a toilet wondering who the person they are hand...
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Mike trumps my novel.

So I'm currently writing a novel, because I was SUPPOSED to be a famous writer, and then somewhere along the way I fell into that trap of actual making some money for a living. Mike has mixed feelings about the...