Email This Post HomeHumorDaniel Day-Lewis Facts Amy Vansant November 14, 2012 Humor 14 Comments Daniel Day-Lewis is to method acting what Chuck Norris is to toughness. You’re probably familiar with “Chuck Norris Facts” where people make outrageous claims as to Chuck’s toughness like: Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits. The continents don’t drift — they back slowly away from Chuck Norris. I can’t be responsible if you look directly into his eyes. Daniel Day-Lewis stars in Lincoln this year, so any guys hoping for Oscar gold… he just drank your milkshake. Sure, in 2003 Adrien Brody in The Pianist beat Daniel’s amazing turn in Gangs of New York, but clearly at birth Adrien’s family traded the 2003 Oscar for giving the devil some place to put that nose. It won’t happen again. In USA Today it was reported that Lincoln director Steven Spielberg received a manila envelope with a cassette tape in it (with a skull and crossbones on it labeled “for your eyes only”) from Day-Lewis before the shoot began. Said Spielberg: “I pressed play and I heard the voice of Abraham Lincoln speaking to me. …I simply accepted that voice as the 16th president of the United States.” Duh. It was the voice of the 16th President. Preparing for the role, Daniel Day-Lewis invented a time machine and traveled back in time. Lincoln wasn’t really shot. Daniel Day-Lewis ripped out his voice box to use it for his role in Lincoln. Spielberg says Daniel Day-Lewis showed up on the Lincoln set with the hair, the beard, and a rail-thin Lincoln frame, but they added the mole. He’s lying. Daniel Day-Lewis grew a mole on his face to play Lincoln using sheer willpower. Yesterday, I started a Twitter/Facebook game (#DDLFacts) and had a sort of obsessive-compulsive Daniel Day-Lewis Facts posting-a-thon: Lincoln isn’t Daniel Day-Lewis’ only movie this year. He’s also the little girl in “Les Miserables” & a refrigerator in “Argo.” NAILED both. You think you voted for Obama, but it was really Daniel Day-Lewis. There aren’t really “Olsen twins.” There’s only Mary Kate and Daniel Day-Lewis playing Mary Kate. Daniel Day-Lewis has won awards for six movies he wasn’t in. If Christian Bale and Daniel Day-Lewis stared at each other, the world would burst into flames. Preparing for “There Will Be Blood” Daniel Day-Lewis trained until he could turn himself into a pint of blood… just in case. Until the Elmo scandal is over, the part of Elmo will be played by Daniel Day-Lewis. And he doesn’t need any stinkin’ puppet. For the Insect Oscars, Daniel Day-Lewis beat out Stick Insect for his portrayal of “Stick.” If Daniel Day-Lewis played General Petraeus, he wouldn’t have gotten caught. Daniel Day-Lewis IS “I can’t believe it’s not butter.” No one asks Daniel Day-Lewis to help them move because he is Just. Too. Moving. I thought I had a new freckle, but it was really Daniel Day-Lewis preparing for Scorsese’s new biopic “Freckle.” Leonard DiCaprio doesn’t even exist. It’s Daniel Day-Lewis playing “young.” Daniel Day-Lewis isn’t even really Daniel Day-Lewis. He’s just preparing to be him. You think you have a dog but it is really Daniel Day-Lewis preparing for a remake of Lassie. 8 out of 10 cute kittens in videos are actually Daniel Day-Lewis. Just hearing Daniel Day-Lewis would be in Last of the Mohicans, all the real Mohicans gave up & changed tribes. People in Lincoln, Nebraska actually live in Daniel Day-Lewis Nebraska. Chuck Norris can’t beat up Daniel Day-Lewis because he can’t tell where he ends and Daniel Day-Lewis playing him begins. When Daniel Day-Lewis puts his hands in cement for Hollywood Walk of Fame, they’ll look 45% more like hands than all the others. All seminars called “Be a Better You!” offer the option to have Daniel Day-Lewis play you. Daniel Day-Lewis lost 1 more pound than Christian Bale did for The Machinist. Just to prove a point. “Being John Malkovich” is the true story of Daniel Day-Lewis. Daniel Day-Lewis is the understudy for all major religious figures except those in Scientology. Because that shit’s just silly. When Daniel Day-Lewis says “Bond. James Bond” he means it. Donald Trump offered Daniel Day-Lewis 5 million to play his hair because he knew he’d be more believable. Daniel Day-Lewis is so good they started calling it: The-Oscars. Others nice enough to play with me: Before Daniel Day-Lewis forged his parents’ signatures on his report cards, he would spend days in their clothes. @cannibal_nerd You think you’re typing on your laptop, but you are actually typing on Daniel Day Lewis, who is getting into character for a film about Silicon Valley. – Meredith McCann via Facebook who pushed me to commit to the whole DDL thing – thanks! Daniel Day Lewis shot himself in the back of the head just to see how it would feel and then walked it off. Hardly Oliver @Hardly_Oliver Daniel Day Lewis: Uncredited role in the Lord of the Rings, as the one ring. Erren Michaels @ErrenMichaels In Titanic, the iceberg was really DDL. He stayed in the water so long that he built up a 30ft thick layer of ice. EricDynamic83 Ⓥ @EricDynamic83 Alterations to be made at Mt Rushmore. Day-Lewis interpretation of late President Lincoln to replace original Jessica Hand @thisismyhand_le What scientists call global warming is actually the cumulative result of the intensity of Daniel Day Lewis’s gaze. MLP @WhenIBlink Daniel Day-Lewis got his start doing Taco Bell commercials but was fired for making Gordita sound “too intense.” MLP @WhenIBlink Daniel Day Lewis shot himself in the back of the head just to see how it would feel and then walked it off. Hardly Oliver @Hardly_Oliver If Daniel Day-Lewis ever did an impression of himself, the universe would instantly implode. @IHeardTell While Daniel Day Lewis was winning the Oscar for acting in My Left Foot, his right foot was landing on Mars. @TLanceB When Daniel Day-Lewis provides the voice for an animated character, he also animates that character by hand. @IHeardTell You don’t actually exist. It’s just Daniel Day-Lewis playing you. #DescartesWasWrongAndAlsoPlayedByDanielDayLewis @jakegauslow Daniel Day-Lewis is currently living in a garbage dump in Oklahoma while working on a biopic of the Crying Indian. @wokkax3 Daniel Day-Lewis was fantastic in his “Boogie Nights” cameo as Mark Wahlberg’s prosthetic. @MusicAdamT Daniel Day-Lewis’s seventh best acting performance was when he portrayed Charlize Theron portraying a serial killer in Monster. @PCPPPBlog Daniel Day-Lewis has another movie coming out. In “Life of Pi,” he plays the tiger. And the lifeboat. And the creepy lemur island. @MusicAdamT When Daniel Day-Lewis stops acting, they will permanently retire the name ‘Daniel’ for actors forever. @IHeardTell Special note to @OhNexy who also did the time machine joke, though I’d already written that part of the blog (just so he knows I didn’t steal it from him). Have a Daniel Day-Lewis joke? Please share below or tweet with #DDLFacts. I’ll continue to add any favorites here. And thanks to everyone who said they were enjoying DDL day – I couldn’t stop myself. It’s like everything I looked at made me think of Daniel Day-Lewis… And maybe everything I looked at… WAS DANIEL DAY-LEWIS. FROM: Rebecca Aslaksen (@baydoh) Author Recent Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Too Many Book Deals, Steals, Kindle Giveaways… - May 27, 2020 Name the Hurricane Winners, Win a Kindle + Books - May 19, 2020 Name the Hurricane, Women Sleuths 99c Sale & Giveaway - May 14, 2020 14 Responses Abby November 14, 2012 I have to confess that before this post, I wouldn’t have been able to pick DDL out of a lineup. However, I am now educated, so thank you for saving me from (inevitable) social awkwardness…well, at least about DDL. I’m on my own for the rest. 0 likes Reply Jake November 14, 2012 Fortunately, it’s impossible to choose wrong when picking DDL from a lineup, as he’s playing everyone in the lineup. 1 likes Reply Angry Turk November 14, 2012 Thank you for posting, but since your premise is preposterous, you are obviously DDL playing someone who claims to be unfamiliar with him. 1 likes Reply Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd November 14, 2012 Rarely does a hashtag make me question my own existence. Now that I think I may just be a character DDL is playing, I’m going to try and find the Oscars I hid from myself. 1 likes Reply Molly November 14, 2012 This was the most amazing game to play. Thank you for the memories. 1 likes Reply Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point November 14, 2012 These are great. Daniel Day-Lewis is the male version of Meryl Streep who happens to be the female version of Daniel Day-Lewis. 1 likes Reply Amy Vansant November 15, 2012 Have you ever seen them in the same room together? NOooooo. 1 likes Reply soynailcider November 14, 2012 I wondered what was going on with all the DDL shots. lol 0 likes Reply Tammy November 14, 2012 What happens if Daniel Day Lewis plays Daniel Day Lewis? Does the earth stop spinning? 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant November 15, 2012 Yes. 0 likes Reply Lance November 14, 2012 For the scene in which Lincoln is killed, the actors in the play are also all Daniel Day-Lewis. And Mrs. Lincoln says she still liked the play. thanks for using mine…yorus were outstanding 1 likes Reply Natalie the Singingfool November 15, 2012 This. Is. Amazing. Now I feel compelled to make up more DDL-isms. 0 likes Reply Philthefattie December 5, 2012 Whenever you pronounce a word incorrectly, thats just DDL trying to get the accent right. DDL is everyone! 0 likes Reply Álvaro December 19, 2015 Daniel Day-Lewis can read Lady Gaga´s Poker Face, because HE IS Lady Gaga’s Poker Face 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply to Amy Vansant Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!