“I left the eggs!” the bunny wailed as he was led to officer’s vehicles. “I left the damn eggs!”
Mr. Bunny claimed the escalating war between his family and Santa’s Elves had pushed him to the edge. According to sources, the war began in 1850, when Santa and his elves referred to Easter as “Christmas Lite” and taunted the rabbit clan that colorful eggs paled next to actual toys. Intermittent bloodshed ensued for the next 150 years.
“We breed faster,” Mr. Bunny said, when questioned about the war. “But those pointy-eared elf bastards are so frickin’ handy. They set traps you wouldn’t believe. They got those, whaddya call them… opposable thumbs. You ever try to do much of anything with a paw? Try and build a trap with these useless things, I dare you!”
As the agitated rabbit threw out his furry feet to demonstrate, the crowd noticably gasped to see one paw missing.
“Oh yeah, and then there’s that,” said Mr. Bunny. “Lucky rabbit’s foot. Lucky for WHOM?”
Officers said they would take the bunny downtown and book him. They speculated the three strikes rule might end the rabbit’s career permanently, as this was the third year in a row he had been arrested. When asked to explain the rabbit’s behavior, the officer spokesperson simply shrugged.
“Oh, he’s all hopped up on something,” he said.
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