I sat down at my keyboard yesterday and, almost immediately, heard the all too familiar BOOM! Of the electrical transformer blowing.

Lights out. *Poof* goes the power.

That’s ok, I think, trying to stay positive, I still have my laptop battery. But the wireless router plugged into the wall is dead, so I can’t get online. My laptop might as well be a toaster if I can’t get online. I can remember a time when getting online wasn’t the point of having a computer, but in the same, vague way I remember having braces. It’s been years since I had a thought I didn’t double check on Google. I can’t start now.

That’s ok, I soldier on, bravely, I’ll exercise! Then I realize, no. The Wii won’t work without electricity, so I can’t virtually run around a track with an over-sized bubble-headed version of myself. The recumbent bike won’t give me resistance without a working plug. I can’t even go for a walk outside thanks to the 30 mile an hour wind and rain that blew out the damn transformer in the first place. What am I supposed to do? Run in place without a little Wii person leading me around a little Wii track?  I would look RIDICULOUS!

Those poor pre-Wii people must have been SO out of shape.

Every time the electricity goes out, I have a few seconds where I think to myself: “Well, I can’t watch television, but at least I can watch a DVD or Tivo!”

Every. Single. Time.

Inevitably, I end up house cleaning, sans electricity and sans sunlight. My mother has always accused me of doing my house cleaning by dim light.

Why does the electricity always go out on overcast days?

The whole day goes by and no electricity. When the sun goes down, my husband and I start feeling like pioneers, sitting outside, trying to enjoy our last few minutes of light.

Finally, out of desperation, we sit in the living room playing cards by flashlight. That’s right. I said CARDS.

We’ve been reduced to animals.

Slowly, the bulb in our only decent flashlight starts to go, like a horror movie where one little light keeps the vampires at bay, but it is getting dimmer and dimmer…

We light candles all over the house, knowing full well people who drink as much wine as we do should never light candles all over the house.

Our beloved dog, Gordon, looks at us like we’re nuts. Switches on the wall, people. He’s saying in his head, because his mouth won’t play fair. I’m too short to reach them and I’ve got these awkward paw thingies instead of hands, but I’ve seen you do it a million times. Just hit the light switches on the wall!

We give up and go to bed, praying the PING! of everything springing back to life wakes us up during the night.

It doesn’t.

Day two of darkness arrives.

I hope we don’t have to eat the dog.


Amy Vansant
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6 Responses

  1. Tim Sayles

    That Amy, she’s a *stitch*!…

    Good heavens, cards! How primitive!… Please don’t eat the dog. Eat the furniture, eat Mike, but for the love of god don’t eat Gordon!…


  2. Kenny

    Funny post. You are so spot on about computers and how useless they’ve become without a connection.

    Funny story…our power went out last august. It was boiling hot in the house even with the windows open. So my wife calls her mom, and her mom suggests we stop over and get a fan to move some air around. My wife grabs her purse and starts to head out the door. Then she notices the grin on my face. “What?” I still tease her about that.



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