Email This Post HomeFood & DrinkFull Blown Passive Aggressive War Amy Vansant January 11, 2016 Food & Drink, Humor 5 Comments I’m in the middle of a war with the liquor store clerk. A very polite, slow moving, full blown nuclear war. If you find this by my corpse… It started with the baskets. I used to go into the liquor store and buy a case of wine (extra 15% off!) by pulling two or three bottles and putting them on the counter until I had 12. Although I was very quick and I tried to be sure I placed them somewhere out of the way of other patrons, I found this particular clerk (I’ll call her “Hagatha”) really didn’t like my style of shopping. “We have baskets!” Hagatha would say, cheerily, but with a sinister undertone I can only compare to Dr. Hannibal Lecter asking where the food store keeps its fava beans. “I’m good,” I’d say. “Can I get you a basket?” she’d ask the next time in the happy tone of Kathy Bates asking for an autograph in Misery. “I’m good.” “Basket will save you some trips!” she’d offer, like Nurse Ratched offering health tips. I got the hint and started using the basket. I’d roll the basket to the counter and place the bottles, but no matter where I put them, she’d have to shift them. I’m a little OCD myself, so I thought “Ah, she likes them to the left and neatly lined up with the labels facing her.” So I did that. Nope. Put them on the left, she shifted them to the right. One at a time. Slide. Slide. Slide. Slide. Slide. Slide. Slide. Slide. Slide. Slide. Slide. Slide. Twelve freaking bottles moved two inches to the right. One at a time. Every time. Short of wrestling with her, I couldn’t think of a way to stop the Marching of the Bottles. But I did find a way to find myself feel a little better about it. One time, I couldn’t find the rubber-tipped pen to sign their fancy new credit card processing contraption. So I tried my finger, which worked just fine. I think I heard Hagatha growl. So the next time I didn’t even look for the pen and used my finger again, while she scrambled to find the pen and thrust it at me. “I got it,” I said, already finished. I have a ridiculous signature that basically amounts to a wavy line. The next time she found and held the pen out for me while I swiped my card. I used my finger. “It’s easier this way,” I said. Smile. Her face twitched. Smile. A smile that said, “No biggie.” Or she was grinning at the idea of my untimely death. It was hard to tell. I left with a sick sense of victory. Now I always slide my finger across that signature screen. Slide. Slide. Slide. It’s enough to drive you to drink. Photo: “Sommelier Knife2” by Haragayato – Photo taken by Haragayato using a FujiFilm FinePix40i, and edited.. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Commons – https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Sommelier_Knife2.jpg#/media/File:Sommelier_Knife2.jpg Author Recent Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Cover Reveal (again), Reading Poll + 4 ways to win a kindle - June 25, 2020 Why I shouldn’t be allowed to decorate cakes, book giveaways and deals! - June 16, 2020 New Series Cover and Synopsis Reveal, Big Beach Reads Giveaway & More Reads - June 10, 2020 5 Responses Mary M. January 11, 2016 Caution, she may spray sriracha on that signature spot…. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant January 11, 2016 I try not to suck my fingers after being in that place. Believe me! 0 likes Reply Nasreen Iqbal January 11, 2016 This sounds as though it is escalating. 0 likes Reply Suzy January 11, 2016 Every small store I go into does the bottle or product slide. At one place, the counter is so small I couldn’t figure out WHY they would even bother until one time I looked up and noticed the clerk was silently counting as she moved each item. At another store, the guy always moves everything to the opposite side of where I put them, no matter where I put them. I assumed he’s counting as well? 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant January 11, 2016 I suppose that’s possible… though I’m pretty sure she’s just a demon placed on earth to drive me insane. 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!