Email This Post HomeHumorGood fences make kind of crappy neighbors. Amy Vansant October 12, 2012 Humor 11 Comments We have a friend, whom I’ll call “Colin” to protect the duped. Colin has a neighbor who lost his home to foreclosure. This neighbor was a bit of a nightmare in the “instead of date night each week, let’s have ‘domestic abuse night’ and have the police stop by” sort of way, so no great loss. No one wants to live next to an episode of Cops. But Colin didn’t see it coming when the neighbor let him in on his exit strategy. “Hey, our house has been foreclosed on,” said the neighbor. “Yeah, that sucks dude. Sorry to hear that,” said Colin, though inside he was doing a Yippee Dance. “Hey, just so you know, I’m going to take the fence.” Now, it’s common practice for people who lose a home to strip it of anything of value. Light sockets, cabinets, appliances, door knobs; everything’s fair game. Carting away fences cemented into the ground was a bit more unusual. “No, you’re not,” said Colin. While the fence was technically the neighbor’s, it also made up one third of Colin’s fence. If the neighbor took down his fence, Colin’s dogs would just wander off through the gaping hole left behind. “Yeah I am,” said the neighbor, and then he wandered off much the way Colin’s dogs would if the bastard took the fence. Colin stormed inside fuming. He tried to come up with a few choice words for the fence-stealing neighbor. Finally, he decided to ignore the probably empty threat and assume the guy wouldn’t be dumb enough to cut down the fence. A couple of days later Colin was outside when the neighbor walked out of his garage, revving a chainsaw. Neighbor stood staring at Colin, poised to start hacking down the fence. Waving his arms, Colin demanded the man turn off the chainsaw. “You’re not taking the fence,” said Colin “Yeah, I am,” said the neighbor. “Unless…” “Unless what?” “If you give me $200 I won’t take the fence. “Screw you!” said Colin, and stormed back inside. The neighbor went back into his garage, and Colin felt sure he had called the man’s bluff. Until the next day, when he once again heard the chainsaw. Again the neighbor stared him down, DeWalt poised to eat the fence. Colin went inside, got $200, and paid the man. Now the man is gone, and Colin’s fence remains intact. But with blackmail skills like that, I don’t know how that dude lost his home in the first place. In “Mending Fences,” Robert Frost forgot to mention one of the guys had a chainsaw. Author Recent Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Vegetable *Whatever* Soup – Giveaways and Book Steals and Deals - August 11, 2020 New Book on PreOrder, Giveaways and Deals (Win Kindles) - July 29, 2020 Help me write a description, new audio book site for cozies, giveaways steals & deals - July 20, 2020 11 Responses Abby October 12, 2012 That’s…interesting. Dude probably lost his home because he was too busy oiling his chainsaw and had an unnatural attachment to a segment of fence. 2 likes Reply SarcasticNinja October 12, 2012 He should have stolen the chainsaw. Or gotten his own chainsaw to stand threateningly over the neighbor’s tires. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant October 13, 2012 Yeah thats a good situation- two guys threatening each other with chainsaws. What bad could happen? 1 likes Reply Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd October 12, 2012 I am totally doing that if I lose my home and learn how to use a chainsaw without injuring myself. 1 likes Reply Laura R. October 12, 2012 I would have removed that section of the fence first and put/hid it in my garage (all tasks done under the cover of darkness, of course). Temporarily, I’d keep my dogs on a lease when outside. Then, when the neighbor moved, I’d put that part of the fence back up. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant October 13, 2012 Very clever… 0 likes Reply Raymond October 14, 2012 See the trouble you get into when you have pets? 0 likes Reply Jen October 16, 2012 That is actually pretty scary. I’m glad the guy went away. I’d be afraid he would decide there’s a gravy train there. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant October 17, 2012 I thought it was kinda scary too. FYI – you beat me to the punch on Brad but I too had felt compelled to do something! Great minds think alike… 0 likes Reply Nina Potts October 17, 2012 Damn! We stripped our house (full on, light sockets, doors, light fixtures, kitchen cabinets, you name it, we sold it) when we lost our house to foreclosure but didn’t take the fence. If only all our other neighbours hadn’t been foreclosed on too… 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant October 17, 2012 You missed a great blackmail opportunity! Shame on you! 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!