I’m married to a cartoon character.

Starting a blog because my husband is a cartoon character, my life is often like a sitcom, and because I wanted a place to collect all the things that happen to us. It occurred to me that many of the things that happen to us do so because of the free time we enjoy thanks to being Kid-Free (much to my mother’s chagrin), hence the title. Why should the people with cute drooly kids (who say the darndest things!) have all the fun posting what Widdle Timmy said to the guy in the elevator? Frankly it just sounds to me like widdle timmy is a racist.

Why is my husband a cartoon character? Well… he’s sort of rubbery faced, like Jim Carrey. He’s built like him too – naked from behind he looks like he’s walking around on two giant Q-tips (with each butt cheek the cotton swab). All that helps mold the cartoon persona, but the main reason is that whatever brains the powers that be blessed upon him, he has channeled almost exclusively into driving me insane. He’s like that sibling in the back seat of the car that keeps touching you – stop touching me! (touch) STOP touching me! (touch) STOP TOUCHING ME! (touch.)

This is both good and bad. For instance, I have developed almost ninja-like defensive skills in blocking all his maddening pokes and tweaks. Steven Seagal (Lawman) could come swinging through our window hell-bent on cuffing me and I would stand a fighting chance of getting away, or at the very least giving that stupid ponytail a good yank before I went down.

Did I mention we both work from home, so we’re together 24 hours a day? Did I mention his brother, who is mixed exactly like him with a twist of redneck comes and spends the night at our house once a week to get his drink-on?

I think you’re getting the picture.

Amy Vansant

One Response

  1. d

    My favorite quote is “you don’t know what it is like to have kids”…

    Au contraire..I do. It is F-ing great and I am reminded of my answer when I can take my wife out for an expensive dinner on a whim we she has had a bad day, when we jet off to New Orleans to hang out or when we can add an upgrade to the house.

    George Carlin said it best…”That’s why they are called Your Children”



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