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HELP ME WITH MY BOOK DESCRIPTION

I’m agonizing over the description for my upcoming book (I’m getting ready to add it to Amazon as a pre-order).  I’d love your feedback! Does the below make you want to run out and buy it? If not, let me know why (or if so, let me know why too!!)

The Girl Who Wants

(A Fast-Paced Romantic Suspense Mystery Thriller Packed with Unlimited Secrets and Twists)

Shee wants a home.

Shee McQueen grew up skip tracing and hunting military criminals with her father, Mick, until someone put a bounty on her head, forcing her underground. Resurfacing seventeen years later, she returns to her family’s hotel in Jupiter Beach, FL, to find him in a coma, shot in the head by an unknown sniper.

Shee wants answers.

Mick’s hotel is staffed by a collection of damaged military veterans looking to redeem their troubled souls by helping others. Neither her father’s crazy on-again, off-again girlfriend nor her maniacal Yorkshire terrier can provide many clues as to what happened to him. Shee doesn’t know if her father’s new mission, or her own past has made him a target, or… wait a second. Hold on

Shee wants to know why her ex-boyfriend just showed up.

How did Mason, the young SEAL she fell for at eighteen, track her down? She’s been keeping a secret from him for almost thirty years. Why did he have to show up now, demanding answers and looking so damn good?

Shee wants a cocktail.

She’s lost decades, people she loves, and herself on the road.

No more running.

No more secrets.

Enough is enough.

Shee wants revenge.

 

Let me know what you think in the comments below or by email: amy@amyvansant.com   Thank you!!

 


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Amy Vansant

56 Responses

    • Dawn Porter

      The synopsis sounds good to me and would make me interested in the book.

         1 likes

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      • Kris

        I would trim it to the first paragraph and the boyfriend paragraph. Sounds intriguing!

           0 likes

  1. Tempe Garriott

    Sounds like fun. Shee is the character so who is Siofra ? Just wondering I would love to read your book

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  2. Kim

    I was totally hooked until I got to the bit about Siofra. That seemed to come out of nowhere. The first few lines about Shee gave us the idea she is the main character and who she is. I am already invested in her. Then a few lines about Siofra with no idea who she is or how she ties in to Shee’s story. She wants revenge, ok. Is she an old friend/roommate/school buddy of Shee’s. A former girlfriend of Shee’s dad….
    what? Just some hint of her role (former skip tracer friend, a fugitive with a grudge) could be a brief but smooth segue to her few lines of description. Just a thought. Totally on board with the book idea – can’t wait.

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    • Amy Vansant

      My bad, same girl – I’ll fix! Used her nickname and then accidentally shifted to her full name. (Siofra = Shee-fra)

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  3. Iris

    Makes me want to read your book, and I don’t usually read “suspense/thrillers. Might be hooked on this one?

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  4. Kelly Young

    Truthfully, I found it too long.
    Also, I stumbled over the character’s name, thinking initially it was a typo. Shee instead of she.
    And finally, who is Siofra?

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  5. Martha E. Thomas

    Sounds good to me, I would buy it with the description you wrote above.

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    Reply
  6. Jackie

    I am intrigued by the description, but I think it could be trimmed a bit. The reference to Siofra is a bit confusing as well and seems to go off in an entirely different direction.

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    • Marcie

      I agree, I felt it went in a different direction. I also struggled with the names.

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      Reply
  7. Crystal

    I was hooked when I read your description. However, I also look at the book cover too and if description and book cover don’t match I usually don’t but the book. I mean no offense and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you need too get a better book cover that matches the description of the book. Like I said before, description is very intriguing and hooks you right away. The book cover is OK but what really make me buy it if I saw in a bookstore would be a girl pointing a gun through the O.

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    • Amy Vansant

      It is subtle, but there are bullets in the sea falling around the turtle. I’ll see if I can bump them up a bit. It’s an actual scene from the book! 🙂

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  8. Tanya

    Looks like a box I would enjoy. I will have to buy it:)

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  9. edna hampton

    sounds good to me an i saw the comments bout siofra but when i went back i didnt see it so maybe you have fixed it already. but i agree with the person who said it was long shorten it a bit but other then that it sounds good

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  10. Cheryl

    I agree with other comments. I also judge a book by its cover, and there is no girl in that cover! Overall I don’t mind that cover. Maybe swap out that turtle for a swimming girl. Or choose a different title. I suppose it depends on how relevant turtles are to the story.

    Also I agree with the confusion over a possible typo. Shee wants a home, Shee wants answers, Shee etc. Shee is a huge improvement over Siofra, where readers get stuck tripping over how do you say that name. Maybe its time to give that girl a whole new name and chalk it up to the character making a quick reference about how much she hated her birth name and how no one could pronounce it and move forward with a normal name.

    Tossing aside the unfortunate name which might turn off potential buyers, the rest of the blurb is great! Would definitely draw in romantic suspense readers.

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  11. Joan K

    The love that it has a back story, dad has a sort of girlfriend (what happened to mom?), I suppose you explain how he got into the coma and if he has 24/7 nursing at home or someplace. I can do without the love interest. Yes a better book cover otherwise if I could afford to purchase it I would.

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  12. Linda

    I too was a bit put off by the name “Shee” (initially thought it was a typo), and when reading I elongated the “e” sound, and found it distracting, like I was emphasizing the word “she” (sheee). Other than that, I like the premise/blurb.

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  13. Beth Goldie

    Shee-sh, I want to read it ASAP ..,. along with the others of yours already on my extensive reading list. Two nights ago I dreamed about a female protagonist named Catt (or Kat) Hauss. Are you daring enough to use that in one of your books? LOL

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    • Amy Vansant

      This is interesting. I always did short ones and had people tell me they should be longer, then I went longer and readers tell me shorter. I’ll go with the readers!

         1 likes

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      • Mary

        I too think it maybe a little long, but I would still buy the book. I am somewhat confused with the names. I prefer names I can relate to. But I WOULD STILL PURCHASE THE BOOK. Looks like you have another winner here, Ms. Van Sant

           1 likes

  14. Patricia Sherman

    I’d love to read it. You included enough suspense and quirky characters to hook me.

       0 likes

    Reply
  15. Julien Dixon

    I was impressed and really felt I wanted to read the book.

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    Reply
  16. Alison Bramham

    Blurb was great, I’m hooked. Not sure about the name Shee, can’t figure out how to pronounce it, this kept distracting me and spoilt my reading flow.
    How is it meant to sound? Maybe if you spell it differently?? Shea? Shay?
    Could she possibly want answers rather than revenge?

       0 likes

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  17. Lissa Powell

    I love the description. I am looking forward to reading your newest book.

       0 likes

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  18. Terri

    Can’t wait to read and learn more about the characters. Sounds like a good read.

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  19. Maria

    My only suggestion is that you make it clear that her father is the one shot in the head. Other than that…. I’m finding it hilarious how many people are having difficulty with Shee’s name…. I read a lot of fantasy/sci fi and the names used in those genres are way worse to figure out LOL It is a little long… but it all seems like important information so don’t know how you’d shorten it. I do kind of agree with one of the comments about the cover, it does seem strange that it doesn’t relate to the title at all. (no girl) But all that aside… it sounds like a really great read, looking forward to the release!

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  20. Judy Knox

    I’m confused with the time period. She’s underground for 17 years, hasn’t seen him since she was 18 but kept a secret from him for 30 years?

       1 likes

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  21. Mollie

    The age thing jumped out at me right away…so she’s 48? been in hiding for 17 years? The cover art is ambiguous, bullets and a sea turtle are confusing the issues of the returning boyfriend, dad in coma, who’s after her? Shady character in the background pointing a gun at female figure standing in shadow of the hotel?

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  22. Rita Guthrie

    It sounds intriguing to me. I would buy it in a heartbeat!

       1 likes

    Reply
  23. Rose McClarin

    Love the description, gives just enough info to tantalize and entice me to get the book ASAP! Wouldn’t change a thing, can’t wait to pre-order.

       1 likes

    Reply
  24. Elouise Lord

    I think your blurb is very good and yes, it does pique my interest in the book. I want to read it next.

       1 likes

    Reply
  25. Mal

    I really like what you’ve written. To shorten description, perhaps leave out the para about the ex-boyfriend?

       0 likes

    Reply
  26. Connie Fidgeon

    I don’t usually read romance novels so almost stopped at that but the next part of the description (suspense/mystery/thriller) brought me back. Some items I noticed:

    (1) “she returns to her family’s hotel in Jupiter Beach, FL, to find him in a coma”: it seems “him” refers to her father but it’s confusing since the last mention of a noun that would refer to this pronoun is “her family”.
    (2) “Neither her father’s crazy on-again, off-again girlfriend nor her maniacal Yorkshire terrier can provide many clues”: so, do they provide any clues? Few clues?
    (3) “Shee McQueen grew up skip…”, “Resurfacing seventeen years later…”, “…young SEAL she fell for at eighteen, track her down? She’s been keeping a secret from him for almost thirty years…”: how old is Shee, anyway? Maybe the book explains the timeline more completely but this overview has a lot of time chunks in it.

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  27. Charisse Rodgers

    Wow. I want to read this book based on the description you have written. You have given the readers multiple mysteries that can only be solved by reading the book.

       1 likes

    Reply
  28. Virginia Martin

    The description is good but needs to be shorter. I am intrigued to read the story. The book cover I feel needs the female and Male leads on it. The cover alone would not do it for me. Thanks for sharing.

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  29. Linda

    I like your description. I want to read this book!!! Sounds like my kind of reading.

       1 likes

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  30. TAmmy

    It sounds good. I would want to read the book. Actually probably will buy it when it comes out. I am interested to see all what happens

       1 likes

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  31. Barbara

    I think the length of the description is fine. Agree with others about the timing, gone 17, meet the boyfriend at age 18, secret for 30 years. Its a bit confusing so needs clarification. Book art makes it feel like Pineapple Port with the turtle. I think a completely different cover for a new series. I can’t wait to read it. Had me hooked immediately

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  32. Marlies Sehon

    To me – using “young” to describe the Seal is a bit superfluous as Shee was 18 and he would have not been much older? I liked the rest and would probably give this book a go.

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  33. Candy

    Can’t wait to read it cover to cover with no interruptions. I am needing a new suspense book to read.

       1 likes

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    • Sandra

      I read your description and it brought me right in to wanting to read this book. It is very informative and full of facts. I think it is descriptive enough to pull in any reader.

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  34. Sandra Kennedy

    Can’t wait to read the book. Sounds very intriguing.

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  35. Alva dockery

    When can I get a copy. You got me hooked! I wanted too read more! Great job don’t change a thing!

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  36. Ann D Niessen

    Too long. I would drop everything from “Shee wants a cocktail” to the end.

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  37. Barbara Harrison

    If she fell for him at 18 and has been keeping a secret for “almost thirty years” that puts her in her late forties. Yes, I’d be interested.

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    Reply

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