Email This Post HomeHumorHow ToHow NOT to Fix an Air Conditioning Unit Amy Vansant July 26, 2012 How To, Humor, Women's Humor 20 Comments With the terrible heat this summer, we’ve noticed the basement feels like a vampire vacation home while the rest of the house has me spending the day in Mike’s old boxers (built-in venting). A quick inspection of a leaky blower unit revealed much of our air conditioning never made it upstairs to the living area. Upside: the wine in the basement was well chilled. Downside: Let’s not pretend the wine stays in the basement very long. Finding leaks is the moment where actual adults call an HVAC guy, or where my Dad tugs up the pants on his non-existent butt and says something like “Whatcha got here is…” But Mike and I have a different philosophy: “Professionals” are for losers without Extreme Jerry-rigging Skills. Mike found a can of “Great Stuff,” a calking-type agent that clung to a Mars probe in 1987 and secretly traveled to Earth in a quest to conquer the universe. Naturally, we’d used it once before, so the cap was off, the straw applicator was AWOL and we had to stab it repeatedly with a shish kabob skewer to get the volatile substance flowing again. Once flowing, we were powerless to stop it and had to leap into action with little preparation or planning. Aware that our first attempt resembled a rampant mold, Mike attempted to smooth the Great Stuff with his fingers, which promptly sealed those digits together like a zip-lock bag. I attempted to help him, which turns out is a lot like trying to help someone out of quicksand by walking into the quicksand. We spent about three terrifying minutes with our fingers stuck to each other’s fingers. I had a flash of my parents breaking into the house a week later to find us dead from starvation, covered in foam and stuck together at the fingers. “Well, we knew this would happen some day,” they would sigh. I finally unstuck myself from Mike and kept clear. He applied the substance and tried to avoid touching other things. By the end, he had become a Human Flytrap, covered with thread, dust, skin from his own chin, receipts, a ruler and the dog. I should have taken him upstairs and rolled him around on the sofa to give the cushions a good cleaning or sold him to a family with a dog that sheds. The project finished long before the can ran out of Great Stuff, which it turns out is some sort of perpetual motion machine. We threw it into a box where it continued to create an evil, sentient blob for the rest of the day. And that, kids, is how the world we knew ended, and why we are now all enslaved to Martian blob monsters. About Latest Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) A Screaming Bobcat, Another Free Book, Giveaway, Steals & Deals! - February 5, 2020 A Thank You & Free Short Story, Pineapple Disco 99c, Win a Kindle Reader - January 30, 2020 Two Big Favors (YOU can get me on TV), Giveaways and Deals - January 22, 2020 20 Responses kara July 26, 2012 Funniest one yet. 0 likes Reply Nicole July 26, 2012 It truly lives up to his name! Solved your temperature issues and gave me a good chuckle first thing in the morning. Hope you’re nice and cool today! 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 26, 2012 This happened two weeks ago and Mike just showed me “Great Stuff” still on his nails that won’t come off. He may be slowly turning into something… 0 likes Reply Abby July 26, 2012 I wonder how long it took their marketing team to come up with that name. Did they start with “Good Stuff” or “Glue Your Limbs Together Goo” before settling on that one? At any rate, you survived both the glue and the heat so far. I only have a window AC unit and molest it far more than I don’t. I have no shame with this heat. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 26, 2012 “Ok Stuff” “Slightly Above Average Stuff” “Better than a lot of things stuff” – It probably took them MONTHS to get to Great. We had a window unit when I was a kid and I remember laying underneath it. Aaahh…. 0 likes Reply Cheryl Talma July 26, 2012 That stuff is amazing. My husband was doing some overhead windows and a glob fell on his forehead – he swears this is why he now has a ‘five’head. Some must have fallen on the top of his head, cause there’s a whole pile of hair missing there too. thanks for the laugh 🙂 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 26, 2012 Love you’re “Gin & Tonic for the Mother’s Soul” blog title. Thanks for stopping by! 0 likes Reply Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point July 26, 2012 I have used Great Stuff before and pretty much had the same experience. What I don’t understand is why is it that once you start spraying some of it out, it won’t stop coming out until you run out of the stuff or you throw it in your neighbor’s trash never to see it again. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 26, 2012 So your neighbors have been assimilated? 0 likes Reply Chooplah July 26, 2012 The air conditioning unit looks like a monster!! I’m glad I’m not 8 anymore or I’d have nightmares. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 26, 2012 It’s a little comforting knowing the 70s will always be with us though… 0 likes Reply Banana Stickers July 26, 2012 “What’s that stuff in that can over there?” “Oh, it’s Great Stuff” “No, seriously, what is it?” “Seriously, it’s GREAT STUFF” “I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IT IS” “If you’d get up and look for yourself, you’ll see that it’s GREAT STUFF” “Whatever. I’m leaving” That stuff is powerful enough to even start arguments and potentially end relationships. I’m staying the hell away from it. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 26, 2012 AND… *scene* 🙂 It kind of reminds me of the bar I saw once called “the Firehouse” “Honey! Where do you think you’re going at this time of night?!” “I got called down to the Firehouse, hon.” “Oh, Ok Dear.” Male participation in the volunteer fire department in that town? 100%. 0 likes Reply Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd July 27, 2012 Why is it two different colors? Is the yellow stuff Cheez Whiz? 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 27, 2012 Half is from an earlier attempt that had time to dry, the other half was from this fandango… 0 likes Reply Bailey July 30, 2012 My husband will use Great Stuff on ANYTHING, literally. He is addicted to stuffing it in any tiny crap, gap, or space. It looks really attractive leaking out of the siding… 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 30, 2012 It IS effective, I’ll give it that, but I’m pretty sure we shouldn’t be trusted with things quite that effective. 0 likes Reply William Potts May 30, 2013 I think i used a can of great stuff one time to try and fix a flat tire. Didnt make it very far. Finding those ac duct leaks will certainly help keep the right rooms cool, and your bill even cooler. Cheers. 0 likes Reply AC Change Outs Northern NJ May 12, 2014 Air conditioners are an expensive but often necessary appliance to use during the summer months. Dirty air conditioner filters can reduce the efficiency of the unit by wasting 10-60+% of the energy used, cause breathing problems for sensitive conditions such as asthma, and spreads common summer allergens, which can typically be neutralized with a clean filter. 0 likes Reply Narit Thiptara May 25, 2016 heyy!!! indeed a very nice share… Yes,, I really agree with your every point. In the summers most of the people deals with the same problem …And I can say that this is really a best guide for beginners also . Also,It’s very important to maintain your air conditioner regularly. This is because when it is not maintain regularly, it will use more energy and increase your utility bill. By servicing your unit regularly, it can save at least 20% of energy that will really help you to save money. Thank you so much for your share… keep up doing good work… God bless U!!!! 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!