My friend has been going through a social media frenzy. She has already bullied me into joining Klout.com, a site that tells you how “influential” you are online. I don’t know what that means, but they did give me a free $15 iTunes card, and it turns out I am “influential” about hurricanes and robots. Who knew? I’m much more diverse and fascinating than I ever dreamed! Thank you, Klout!
FourSquare.com appeared on my friend’s radar and she initiated peer pressure procedures. Now I know how kids end up on crack.
FourSquare, if you don’t know, is a web site where you can “check-in” and tell the world where you are at any given time. If you check-in more often than anyone else, you can become “Mayor” of that place, or win digital “badges” that you can’t even stitch on a sash and wear with pride at camp until the counselors call your mom and she makes you take it off.
When you check-in, you can also leave a comment about that establishment. For instance, you could “check-in” while at a strip club and leave a note like “There is an usually large number of naked women in this place, but the food is awesome!” The next time someone else on FourSquare checks-in at that spot, they will see your comment and know to order the steak tartar, which normally, is a dicey move in a strip club.
If that makes you think: “Wait, in his distopian novel, Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell wrote about the horrors of Big Brother watching us all, and now we PURPOSELY tell the world where we are?” then YES!, you are probably an English Major (high five). I like to support English Majors, because I was one and I know there’s a slim chance you’re gainfully employed. Say “hi” to your mom for me. She’s upstairs.
If you think: “Doesn’t announcing your location make it easy for stalkers to murder you?” then you probably write for a mystery dramedy like Castle, or something that starts with ‘CSI.’ Or, you’re just paranoid and, ironically, also totally, totally right.
So, to help you spot the signs of Social Media Peer Pressure and avoid being murdered, and because my pressury friend is also my funny friend, I’d like to share our FourSquare conversation:
Friend: I’m on FourSquare now, and I like it. Your competitive ass would love it. Also, it links to Klout.
Me: For the love of… doesn’t FourSquare require leaving the house? I’m pretty sure I’m the “mayor of my house” and really, it’s all I’ve ever strived to be. Strove? Striven?
Friend: You can get mayorships AND badges…and please lord do NOT tell me that you “don’t need no stinkin’ badges…”
Me: (pissed that she knows me so well that she can stop me from doing annoying things that I really enjoy) Well. You just took all the fun out of replying to this email, didn’t you? Nice. But seriously, if I join one more social media site my head is going to explode. And I don’t need no stinkin’ badges.
Friend: Buuuuuuuttt its fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnn…comeoun. That’s how you spell “come on” with a Baltimore accent…just like Joan Jett: ‘and seu on and seu on and scoouby douby doub… Shit. Now I have that song in my head. Who self inflicts Joan Jett hell? This doesn’t bode well for my day.
Me: I had Crimson and Clover in my head for a week recently. Crimson and Cleuver. I think we just like doing Baltimore accents and Joan Jett is collateral damage.
Friend: Possibly. Get on fucking FourSquare.
Me: I could, but A. it will be like publicly logging the fact I hate leaving the house (except for eating out) and B. I’ll become Queen Empress of All Time of the local liquor/wine store so fast someone will kidnap me and take me to AA just on principle, which C. means leaving the house. It’s a vicious cycle.
Friend: Join. FourSquare.
Me: I just told Mike (my husband) about this and he said “Who the hell said YOU’RE Mayor of the house?” so I might have to join to prove it.
So guess who is on FourSquare now? But it has totally helped my Klout score.
My friend and I are having dinner this week to “talk about social media.”
Somebody help me.
I’ll check-in so you can find me.
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