Email This Post HomeHumorDog HumorI am a poo gremlin. Amy Vansant September 28, 2012 Dog Humor, Humor 18 Comments Ever get in your car and it smells… not so fresh? That happened to me recently. Got ready to go somewhere, hopped in my car and… *sniff* *sniff* What is that SMELL? Late to get my car inspected, no time to see if someone had stuffed a body in my trunk again, I took off, windows open to enable breathing sans puking. By the time I’d reached the inspection station the smell had gotten a bit better, but without the wind whistling by it regained a foothold. Before I could figure out the cause of the stench, it was my turn. I pulled my car into the inspection bay and the man asked me to hop out. I smiled, opened my door and stepped out. He smiled and leaned into the car. He stopped. He sniffed. And then turned to glance at me. He wasn’t smiling. I opened my mouth to say “It wasn’t ME!” but he turned away, clearly disgusted. Inspector guy thinks I left him a stinky gift for his troubles. Great. As the man backed out of my car he stopped and looked at something on the inside of the driver’s door. Again, he looked at me. What?? He looked away before I could launch into a story about how my car reeks and that the smell was there BEFORE I GOT IN and no, I hadn’t eaten low tide mud for breakfast, why do you ask? He made his way back to the tailpipe shaking his head, no doubt happy to get away from MY tailpipe. Testing over, I got back in the stinky car and noticed this thing in the side panel of my door. OH NO. Bag of poop. I had taken Gordon Labradoodle to the vet and at the last minute grabbed that morning walk’s bag of poop. I didn’t know if the doctor needed some poop for Gordon’s poop test and I didn’t want them to have to dig for some. No one likes that. Turns out poop was not a requirement for the day and my thoughtful gesture now made me look like a poop hording poo gremlin that travels around with a bag of poop at her side, spreading poop across the land. Like a rancid Johnny Appleseed. I was Johnny Poopyseed. I drove home, mortified, and properly disposed of the poop. So my question is: Do they make pine tree car air fresheners in Actual Size? Author Recent Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Non-Stop Facebook Book Party, Name My Hero Contest, Cozy Sale - March 24, 2020 Air-Fryer Fried Chicken Puzzle Cracked… Two Great Giveaways - March 6, 2020 Awesome Pizza, New Covers, Pineapple & Kilty Sales & more ways to win books! - February 26, 2020 18 Responses SarcasticNinja September 28, 2012 Johnny Poopyseed…Poor you! (And poor car inspector.) On the plus side, it’s about time when Christmas trees will be going on sale, and that’s about as actual size as they come. One should fit in the back seat, right? 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant September 28, 2012 That is an EXCELLENT idea. And I can drive around with twinkling lights as well. (bonus) 1 likes Reply Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd September 28, 2012 This has happened to me before – bag of poo in the backseat for a couple of days after a walk. Luckily, I didn’t have to have my car inspected. I would have chickened out. I admire you. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant September 28, 2012 Momma always told me: “Someday you’ll tell your poo story, girl, and people will look up to you…” 0 likes Reply Angry Turk September 28, 2012 As I have opined so many times before, “That Amy Vansant is funny!” 0 likes Reply Michele Drier September 28, 2012 How many times have you found a body in your trunk? Are you hanging around with the wrong crowd? 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant September 28, 2012 Well I am originally from Jersey… If I answered that question, I’d have to… well… you know… 0 likes Reply Michele Drier September 28, 2012 You’re gonna force me to buy a new keyboard! 0 likes Raymond September 28, 2012 I would have gone to the inspection manager and blamed the employee. Someone’s gotta take the fall… 0 likes Reply Nina Potts September 28, 2012 This only happens in my case when animals go to the bathroom and I can’t get the upholstery clean. That shit never comes out, no pun intended. Also, I still have a dead mouse in my freezer, but at least it doesn’t smell. Maybe you could put liquid nitrogen on the poo after it comes out, which might freeze the smell in? 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant September 28, 2012 Yeah I know how… wait, what? Why do you have a dead mouse in your freezer? 0 likes Reply Nina Potts September 29, 2012 Oh he was living in our stove, his name’s Bob. Well, it was Bob. One of the cats caught him one day, he must have come out of the stove. My girlfriend was at work so I put him in a bag in the freezer until we could bury him. We really need to get around to that. 0 likes Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point September 28, 2012 You might want of held onto it and keep in the car. Then if/when you get pulled over by a cop when the cop comes up to your window they’ll take one whiff and be like “Uhhh… never mind you can go.” 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant September 28, 2012 I’m sort of famous for getting out of tickets because my car smells like apple pies, so that would be a dramatic shift.. (that story comes out in Skirt Magazine (skirt.com) Oct. 1st… then here a while after that.) 0 likes Reply Jessica Holt September 28, 2012 This is a great idea for people who have annoying friends who ask for rides. You can drop one of these bags in the passenger door and I bet they’ll never ask for a ride again! 0 likes Reply Beduwen September 29, 2012 At least you found the source of the stink! Worst thing is NOT being able to find where it’s coming from! 0 likes Reply Sarah September 30, 2012 Oh.my.gosh. This is simultaneously gross and wonderful! What if you traumatized the mechanic forever? Like every time he gets in a customer’s car, he’ll now have vivid poop bag flashbacks. I hope he can overcome this. 0 likes Reply Elissa November 1, 2012 When I did this I had the bag of poop in the trunk…during the summer 🙁 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!