Email This Post HomeHumorIt’s Snow, Not the Zombie Apocalypse Amy Vansant January 21, 2016 Humor 8 Comments This is what happens in Maryland when someone mentions there might be a dusting of snow: PEOPLE LOSE THEIR MINDS. There was a dusting last night and by the time we woke up there had been 165 reported car accidents in nearby Virginia. ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE. Did they all run out and do donuts on the highway all night? By 7 a.m. I was getting texts from my father (currently in Florida) that Maryland friends of his were reporting the stores were already (and I quote:) depleted. “Tell your family, Ron!” they cried. “Tell them the icy fingers of hunger are reaching for them. Save yourselves!” People, snow is not the zombie apocalypse. Actually my favorite part of my dad’s text was that he told me “the store are depleted so don’t drag your feet shopping and there are a lot of accidents on the roads.” So, in essence, hurry up and plow into a ditch, or risk running out of bread. They’re calling for up to two feet late Friday into Saturday. They’ve even used the b-word: blizzard. So naturally everyone went out and bought enough milk to keep all the orphans in China alive for a year and sixty rolls of toilet paper. Exactly how much do people poop during snow storms? Seems like without the threat of snow, people are playing fast and lose with their supplies. Parents are reliving their rebellious youths by allowing the butter cache drop to that one shapeless blob with the toast crumbs in it. Before you run your car into a telephone pole because little Jimmy might run out of fruit roll-ups, take a deep breath. Snow can’t crawl in your windows and steal your children. You’re not going to have to go “Donner party” on your family. And what if you do. There’s more where Jimmy came from. He’s kind of a little jerk anyway these days. You should have never bought him a phone. So relax. By Sunday afternoon it will all be plowed and the horror will all be just a great story you can tell your grandchildren about one day. “I remember when we ran out of orange juice… *gasp* And the bread. OH THE BREAD! We had to eat the crusty heel! Your grandmother was never the same after that…” About Latest Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Upgrading from turtles to panthers…Giveaway and deals - July 16, 2019 I am the turtle whisperer, pet lover giveaway and steals & deals - July 10, 2019 I’m writing Kilty, but Pineapple is stalking me…Beach Read Giveaway & Deals - July 1, 2019 8 Responses Carrie January 21, 2016 We get a lot of that weather here in NE Ohio. I avoid the grocery wars and head straight to the liquor store. I mean running out of bread is one thing, but BOOZE is a whole notha mutha 2 likes Reply Amy Vansant January 21, 2016 Yeah, actually I DO need to make a run there too. Dangit. 0 likes Reply Liz January 21, 2016 Great post, Amy! After a mild December, we’ve been having mini winters all week with spits of freezing rain, sleet and snow in southwest Missouri. We’ve stayed home all week because, well, we like to keep a stash of food anyway. We got 1″ of snow on our side of town overnight and the east side of town (about 12-15 miles away) got about 3″. They can have it. I thought about going to the Great Walmart as I am running low of a couple of things, but they wouldn’t have it anyway so I’ll stay home another day. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant January 21, 2016 Ain’t winter grand? 🙂 1 likes Reply Marilyn J. Prange January 21, 2016 HI, Amy, Why not come down to Florida and spend some time in The Gardens!!! Even though it has been a mite chilly…nothing like the north, believe me. We have lots of spirits down here, too. Keep warm and toasty, Puddercat 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant January 21, 2016 We’re hoping to come down in Feb – can’t wait to see you all! 0 likes Reply Nina Potts March 17, 2016 It’s like that here in AZ with rain. Even if it’s barely raining the freeway slows to like 35 and cars start darting around like they’re allergic to water. Btw, hi,long time no chat! What’s new (other than you have lots more books I see and I’m catching up on your blog). Me? Oh you knlw, got married, moved (so if you are planning on sending me the 3rd book in some series or something…. 😉 ) 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant March 17, 2016 Hey Nina! It has been a long time. I did send you a book a while back, but I think it was Pineapple Mystery Box… which is a book two… so hopefully whoever bought your old house didn’t get it! Congrats on the marriage! Email me your new info when you get a chance! 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!