Pahrump, Nevada – Scientist Alan Pickering could hardly believe his eyes when he and his small band of archeologists stumbled upon what has come to be known as the “Dinosaur Rosetta Stones.” The large slabs, some stretching some 15 by 15 feet and weighing over a two tons, are the last pieces to a puzzle paleontologist have been working on for hundreds of years. Why did dinosaurs become extinct?
Until the discovery, scientists believed the dinosaurs became extinct when a huge asteroid crashed into the Yucatan peninsula 65 million years ago. However, this belief came to a screeching end when scientist discovered a tablet actually written by dinosaurs slightly more than 65 million years ago.
“It wasn’t an asteroid after all,” said Dr. Pickering as he surveyed the giant tablet. “It turns out they were just sick of procreating.”
The tablet, written in a simple, easy to read code that clearly influenced later human language tells the tale of how one generation the dinosaurs all agreed raising young was taking up way too much of their time with too little payback.
“It appears they just stopped having kids,” says Pickering. “To quote: Enough’s enough with the whining and the feeding of these scaly little bastards.” Pickering points out that without dinosaur marriages, they actually were all scaly little bastards.
After procreation ceased, the dinosaurs found themselves with so much time on their hands, they actually had time to develop more sophisticated skills such as speech and the ability to use tools. By the end, many had begun to keep diaries, and thanks to them, scientists now have answers to the fate of the dinosaurs.
Pickering says the stories vary; for instance, one Brachiosaurus spent “her entire youth” raising a particularly difficult kid only to have this child opt to stay on a piece of Pangea that was floating away in a different direction because the teen dino was in a forbidden romance with a Brontosaurus named Spike.
“There is also entry after entry by this older Triceratops remembering all the fun times she had without kids,” says Pickering. “With extinction nearing, she seemed to have no regrets. She actually had half the theory of relativity written on one tablet, who knows what they were able to accomplish before the end with all their kid-free time.”