Email This Post HomeHumorMounting evidence I might not be that bright. Amy Vansant November 16, 2012 Humor, Visuals 21 Comments *this could become a regular series. When you graduate Salutatorian it can give you the idea that you’re pretty smart. Then, when you look back and realize you were Salutatorian of your eighth grade class… Of 12… It seems less impressive. Thoughts like that don’t hit you until your late 30s or so, because prior to that you know everything in the world. Sure, you put a few pennies into electrical sockets,but that doesn’t prove anything. Why would someone electrify a slot so OBVIOUSLY meant for a penny? Electricians are stupid. Once the inkling that you might not know everything starts to creep, suddenly, evidence is everywhere. It’s like that Bones episode where you guess the killer in the first ten minutes. You know that one? The one that was on from 2005 until the last time it aired? Mounting evidence I might not be that bright #1: I hit me yesterday, in the shower, that I had listened to “Gangnam Style” in the shower every day for two weeks. Not only is it an empty piece of pop drivel but: I bang my elbow on the shower wall every time I try to do the “giddy-up horsey” move. Any idiot knows you can’t properly pretend to throw a lasso in a shower stall and that escaping cattle rarely hide in a shower stall. Still, I persist. The “slide across the floor” move is actually quite dangerous in a shower and you can only move 2 inches before moving back to the starting point and beginning again. I now actually believe I’ve translated the Korean phonetically including such moving lyrics as: “Summer Hair!” “Silence is golden…” and “Korean I don’t know.” (That last line being the only bit that is certainly correct.) I actually drew a picture on my Aqua Notes of a dragon (one of the few things I can draw) to ACCOMPANY me during my shower performances. Smart people don’t do things like this. Stephen Hawking doesn’t dance in his shower to terrible foreign pop songs. Ok, bad example, but you get what I mean. About Latest Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Name a Bar and a Woman in Pineapple Turtles…Win Audible Subscriptions & Deals - December 2, 2019 Pineapple Turtles on pre-order – giveaways and deals - November 24, 2019 Teach Your Dog to Talk, Win a Kindle, Deals & Steals - November 7, 2019 21 Responses Abby November 16, 2012 Don’t feel bad. I can’t even dance in the shower right now because I sprained my foot running down the stairs two weeks after I opened a freezer door on my head, resulting in a mild concussion. Smart people don’t do things like this, but they’re also a little bit boring. I like us. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant November 16, 2012 It’s because you don’t eat meat. Have a hamburger and your bones won’t snap. It’s a medical fact. Or the Burger King decreed it. One of those. 0 likes Reply Abby November 16, 2012 SUCH a stereotype. I would prefer the stereotype that I’m Polish and clumsy, thankyouverymuch 😉 0 likes Beduwen November 16, 2012 Waaaiiit a minute…That waterproof notepad in the shower? Sheer brilliance! Stop listening to that crazy inner (dumb) voice. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant November 16, 2012 It’s for “shower thinkers” (or dancers, as the case may be… http://www.myaquanotes.com/ 0 likes Reply Lance November 16, 2012 Actually I translated the main chorus of Gangnam Style as “it feels so good to take so much money from dumb americans”. You’re too awesome to be “unbright” 1 likes Reply Amy Vansant November 18, 2012 You’re too kind. Well, for what it’s worth, the 99 cents I spent on it, I got a blog out of it… 0 likes Reply Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point November 16, 2012 There’s a thing as waterproof notepads?!?!? Dear god, with that kind of technology at your hands how could you not be drawing dragons and witches in the shower. What’s a salutatorian again? 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant November 18, 2012 Salutatorian is second place. I think. I thought so. But I just said I’m not that bright so… 0 likes Reply Nina Potts November 17, 2012 Watch a bunch of bad horror movies, or some Law and Order SVU, those always make me feel smart. Five minutes in you’re yelling at everyone because you know everything thats going to happen. This is also fun if you want to pretend to be psychic. I like to yell after they characters do something I specifically said not to do “Nobody listens to me”. Except in movie theaters, then everyone is listening to me, and somewhat irritated. But I’ve taken xanax before hand, so they don’t know that I don’t care, and that my “inside” voice is no longer functional. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant November 18, 2012 We watched “Die Hard with a Vengeance” last night and I felt like a GENIUS. 0 likes Reply bluzdude November 17, 2012 Even with the Penny Thing, you’re still ahead of me. I once bit an electrical cord (which was plugged in, mind you), because I couldn’t pull it out of the wall. (It was in my way.) It shocked my 4-year old ass across the room and scared the bejesus out of my mother. Still, I don’t think I have too many side effeslasgoghosadgth 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant November 18, 2012 Yikes – at least you were 4. I though you were going to say it was yesterday… 0 likes Reply Bluzdude November 18, 2012 Now, when I play with my trucks, I use the middle of the floor. 0 likes SarcasticNinja November 17, 2012 You are just cleverly multitasking, combining your shower with your dance workout–cleans off the sweat as it happens! It sounds like a good plan to me. 0 likes Reply soynailcider November 17, 2012 I love that note pad! It may stop me from talking to myself in the shower and the cat going crazy outside the bathroom, thinking I am talking to him. 0 likes Reply Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd November 18, 2012 It would be hard to lasso animals in the shower because they would be all soapy and slip out of the noose. 0 likes Reply Jen November 19, 2012 I have never seen a notepad in the shower before. I’m not sure if this is sheer brilliance or a disturbing use of one’s time while showering. Although, I don’t seem to get light bulb moments in the shower. 0 likes Reply Natalie the Singingfool November 19, 2012 I’m impressed you attempt the horsey-lasso type move. I have neither the self-confidence nor the chutzpah to even try. 0 likes Reply Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes November 19, 2012 A notepad in the shower… actually that might not be such a bad idea. I could write things I’m not meant to forget on it and… oh who am I kidding… nothing will make me more efficient in the morning. 0 likes Reply asian restaurant orland park il March 26, 2014 Hello, i think that i saw you visited my weblog thus i came to “return the favor”.I am attempting to find things to enhance my web site!I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!! 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!