Email This Post HomeHumorMy demise, Pineapple Beach House on Nook & Kobo, Book Deals Amy Vansant December 21, 2017 Humor 16 Comments It’s been wonderful… Well, it’s been wonderful knowing you all, but I’m afraid this will be my last post. My brother is making the Christmas turkey this year. While I appreciate the break from serving as holiday chef, my brother has given himself salmonella/food poisoning no less than three times in the past, so I’m pretty sure this more like Easter than Christmas… because I’m about to have my last supper. He did a test turkey. My mother asked him how it went and he said “it was edible” which doesn’t bode well for two reasons. First, “it was edible” could be said about shoe leather. And second (and more importantly), “it was edible” probably means it was overcooked, which means he’ll cook it less for Christmas and… refer to first paragraph. I hope you all have super wonderful holidays, and please remember me fondly! Been waiting? Pineapple Beach House now available at more retailers! Nook | Kobo| iTunes (coming soon) | Google Play (coming soon) The latest Pineapple book is now available on all retailers! The Pineapple Port crew takes a road trip to the Outer Banks, North Carolina, only to discover “body bits” in their vacation home. The nursing home next door is run by some suspicious characters and one of their residents is missing. Hmm… Other Book Specials! Claus Rise of the Miser – New Release! Christmas is hot. When Kandi’s dad gets a mysterious call, they fly to a tropical island where the buildings are enormous and the rooms empty. Despite the heat, his sunburned client wears a heavy cloak. Kandi meets a boy living all alone in one of the empty resorts. When he goes missing, she enlists the help of the technological wonders that haunt the island to find him. What she uncovers is a much deeper mystery that will affect more than just Christmas. The world doesn’t know it yet, but Santa Claus is missing. Kandi knows where he is. And why. Start Date: 12-08-2017End Date: 12-31-2017 The Starsboro Chronicles Part 1 By Cameron J Quinn Usual Price: 5.99 Sale: .99 Saving the world from things no one wants to believe in gets Zurik Dvordi on the police’s short list–almost as often as he finds himself in a new womans bed. As a result, he ends up as Detective Jennifer Morgans number one suspect. Start Date: 12-11-2017End Date: 12-31-2017 Santa Crush: A Christmas Novella By Annabelle Costa Usual Price: New Release Sale: .99 Callie Quinn has a crush.The bad news: Callie has a crush on Santa. Or at least, she has a crush on the hot guy wearing the Santa costume at the mall.The worse news: Callie is currently wearing The Ugliest Elf Costume on the Planet. (Complete with The Ugliest Hat on the Planet.)The good news: The guy in the Santa suit thinks Callie’s the most beautiful elf he’s ever seen. The worst news of all: It doesn’t matter. Because Santa’s got a secret. And he’ll hop a sleigh or hitchhike back to the North Pole before he’ll let Callie know what it is. Amazon Start Date: 12-12-2017End Date: 01-31-2018 Christmas at Devil’s Gate By Fenella J Miller Usual Price: .99 Sale: FREE on Kindle Unlimited Christmas at Devil’s gate is a lighthearted Regency romantic adventure. Miss Honour Fitzroy is fleeing from Sir Robert Fitzroy as her cousin is trying to force her into marrying his son. Major, Lord Ralph Duval, is recuperating from a sabre wound that almost killed him. When her carriage breaks an axle in the snow she is obliged to take refuge at the house she believes is called Devil’s Gate. Will Ralph be able to keep her safe or is he the biggest danger to her? Amazon|Website Start Date: 12-13-2017End Date: 12-29-2017 In The Stars By Zanna Mackenzie Usual Price: 2.99 Sale: .99 Plunged into the middle of a celebrity murder mystery, horoscope writer Amber Reed is desperate to convince the handsome special agent working the case that she can help him catch the killer. Amazon Start Date: 12-13-2017End Date: 12-29-2017 Murder On The Menu By Zanna Mackenzie Usual Price: 2.99 Sale: .99 After Lizzie’s new boss, celebrity chef Armand, is stabbed in his own kitchen, Lizzie finds herself at the top of the suspect list. Teaming up with her sexy spy neighbor to clear her name and catch the killer, Lizzie’s soon in BIG trouble! Amazon Amazon |Kobo Link|BN |Google|Apple iBooks|BookFunnel|Website Start Date: 12-08-2017End Date: 12-31-2017 The White Arrow (The Bow of Hart Saga Book 3) By P. H. Solomon Usual Price: 4.99 Sale: 2.99 ‘Fabulous conclusion to an epic fantasy tale. It made me laugh, cry, cheer, want to throttle characters, and beam with pride and hope.’ – E. R.Bound to prophecy, his destiny balanced on an arrows tip.This unique epic fantasy will keep you turning pages as Athson marches toward his inevitable destiny.With the Bow of Hart in hand, Athson is hunted by his enemies. His mistakes haunt him as much as his past.Hastra the Withling reveals Eloch will send an arrow for the bow. Magdronu plots to thwart the prophecy as his trolls attack Auguron City.But when the arrow arrives, it is from a most unexpected source and lands in unforeseen hands. Events twist like an arrow in flight. Can Athson overcome his past and his failures to use the Bow of Hart as intended against Magdronu? The archer and the bow await the coming arrow Pick up the last book of The Bow of Hart Saga because it’s ‘fabulous conclusion to an epic fantasy tale.’ Amazon|Website Start Date: 12-08-2017End Date: 12-31-2017 Better Not Cry (Rebekka Franck Book 8) By Willow Rose Usual Price: 4.99 Sale: .99 He stalks you when youre sleeping. He kills when youre awake Reporter Rebekka Franck is ready to escape the headlines for a relaxing holiday with her family. Small town Cocoa Beach, Florida seems like the perfect getaway for sunny days and silent nights. At least, until a boys dead body is found stuffed in the chimney Rebekka learns that the boy is the latest in a long line of victims preyed upon by a local legend. But a demon cloaked in red with sharp fingernails who comes down the chimney cant be real. Can it?With the help of a local teen whose dad fell victim to the creature, Rebekka investigates the growing body count. But as Christmas creeps closer, the reporter must catch the demon before it checks her and her familys names off the naughty list Better Not Cry is a spine-tingling Christmastime horror story featuring Willow Roses iconic characters Rebekka Franck and Jack Ryder. If you like pulse-pounding scares, imaginative plots, and hellish new takes on Santa, then youll love Willow Roses holiday horror. Buy Better Not Cry now to see Santa slay! Amazon|Website Start Date: 12-08-2017End Date: 06-30-2018 The Genesis of Evangeline By Rachel Jonas Usual Price: .99 Sale: .99 Wolves. Dragon shifters. A fallen kingdom destined to rise again. Evie Callahan, isn’t the average seventeen-year-old girl. Finding out her entire life has been a lie is scary enough, but what’s terrifying is discovering who she’s destined to become. Amazon Start Date: 12-18-2017End Date: 12-30-2017 Young Adult Romance Promo By Jeanine Hawkins Usual Price: Free Sale: FREE This is a Young Adult Romance Books promotion that includes books from 11 different authors (may increase). All books are free to download. |Website Start Date: 12-18-2017End Date: 01-15-2018 Holiday Hearts: A Sweet and Wholesome Romance Bundle By Josie Riviera Usual Price: 2.99 Sale: .99 Savor the magic of Josie Riviera’s sweet holiday romances—exclusively in one boxed set! Amazon|Website About Latest Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Winner of the Python Challenge, my Radio Interview and Giveaways-Deals - February 20, 2019 Dancing, Kilty as Sin 99c, Giveaways and Deals… - February 13, 2019 Snake Attack, 3 Giveaways and Deals & Steals… - February 7, 2019 16 Responses Rae December 21, 2017 The story about your brothers cooking “skills” gave me a good laugh. Happy Holidays. 1 likes Reply Nancy Alexander December 21, 2017 Good luck on eating that Christmas Dinner. Hope we hear from you on how it turns out. 🙂 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant December 22, 2017 You and me both! 0 likes Maz December 21, 2017 Well Amy, it has been nice knowing you :-D… I wish you all the luck in the world to survive the Christmas turkey lol. Have a safe and wonderful holiday, Merry Christmas to you and yours from me and mine . 1 likes Reply Amy Vansant December 22, 2017 You too! 0 likes Reply Clif Bradley December 21, 2017 Tell him to brine the turkey. Alton Brown has the best brine recipe and I use it every year. Not only does it make the turkey taste delicious, it also has the added value of the salt making it antimicrobial. For insurance purposes go, make some frozen herb butter and cut rounds of that off before cooking and slip under the skin. This will keep it from drying out, no matter what. But if you do get sick, then at least you know a good reading website to keep you occupied as you make your 15th trip to the bathroom. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant December 22, 2017 I’ve used his brine before and it was the best turkey I ever made! 0 likes Reply Suzannah December 21, 2017 Hahahah make sure your will is up to date…leaving your brother out of it. Merry Christmas! We shall remember you fondly. 1 likes Reply Maryann December 21, 2017 Good luck with Christmas dinner. LOL Seriously, have a wonderful gathering with your family on this special occasion. 1 likes Reply Amy Vansant December 22, 2017 You too! 0 likes Reply Hope Tirendi December 21, 2017 OMG that was too funny! Quick somebody help her brother. Happy Holidays to all. 1 likes Reply Marsha December 21, 2017 Have you thought of becoming vegan (at least until after Christmas dinner)? 1 likes Reply Amy Vansant December 22, 2017 Alas, I’d rather get food poisoning than give up bacon. 0 likes Reply Tex Texas December 21, 2017 I’m still laughing at your note… I will say a Hail Mary as you sit down to eat and hope to hear from you again. If the first chew doesn’t feel right, excuse yourself go to the microwave and cook it a bit more. Rude? perhaps, but better than food poisoning. I’m sure all will be fine. It always is with family and a good bottle of wine. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant December 22, 2017 Spit it out before I put it in the microwave, right? 😉 0 likes Reply Sharon March 19, 2018 Hope your Christmas dinner went well Amy. Cheers Sharon… 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!