Email This Post HomeHumorMy Mother, the Informant Amy Vansant January 27, 2010 Humor 4 Comments I like to play a little game with my mother called “Married, In Jail, or Dead.” It goes like this: Mom calls me, and says: “Did you know a Mark Smith in grade school?” At this point, I know “Mark Smith” is either experiencing some domestic milestone, in trouble with the law, or dead. I get to guess which. Mom also sends me clippings from my hometown newspaper, describing in great “how the heck are we going to fill the pages of this small town rag” detail, how the girl I barely knew in seventh grade just had her fourth kid, or how the guy one year ahead than me just drove himself into a bridge embankment. I’m grateful my mother wasn’t Hitler’s mother. Adolf would have been opening envelope after envelope of newspaper clippings about old classmates, some of which I’m sure didn’t want to be found. “Adolf, didn’t you go to camp with a Harvey Katz?” Mom has appointed herself Sea Isle City, New Jersey’s Minister of Communication, and thanks to her, not one obscure ex-classmate has made a move in 30 years that I did not know about. If you were in grade school with me, yes, I know everything you do. I’m sorry. It’s not my fault. My mother invented Facebook without even knowing it. About Latest Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) A Free Book, a New Release, 2 99c Books…Giveaway and Deals - January 14, 2020 How’d you like to read a Pineapple Port screenplay? Cozy giveaway and deals… - January 11, 2020 Pirogi Recipe, Giveaway & Deals - January 1, 2020 4 Responses kidfreeliving January 27, 2010 Remember when you were tiny and I rushed you to the emergency room when you were looking a little blue….my bad! 0 likes Reply d January 27, 2010 I like when my Dad reads the Alum newsletter or magazine and asks if I knew a certain person because they graduated in the same class. I respond ” He/ She sounds like a knob so No” 0 likes Reply John Marshall March 14, 2019 I can still remember my mother always telling me to make sure I put on clean underwear 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!