New Font Styles

Tired of the same old font style buttons?

Bold is SO 1983.

Italics?  That party was over before the cheese dip was cold.

Underline? Puh-LEEZE. Underline is as annoying as that aunt who sends emails IN ALL CAPS.

I’ve come up with a few ways Microsoft could update their Office suite for the 21st Century by including some new font style choices.

These are the little public services I like to perform now and again, when a  judge demands it.

A Font Style Makeover

font style

Gangnam Font Style

No video with over 200 million views can be  wrong for a font effect. Sure, a Korean Andy Warhol in a neon yellow suit may inexplicably dance across your document, but your boss has secretly been watching the Psy video all day so he can stay “hip” and not end up with another “sexual harassment” suit for not understanding it is wrong to claim you are “down with the bitches”  at the office. He won’t care.


font styleKardashian Font Style

You won’t be able to fit quite as many letters on a page using Kardashian styling, but your documents will be able to make money with no discernable talents. Just don’t let Kanye try and take the pen out of your hand and talk about what a better writer other girls are.


Taylor Swift Font Style

I was going to include a Taylor Swift font, but it was dumped.

Look for the whole story on her new album “Love is a Sucky Thing, I’m Prettier than Her. PS: I Hate You.”

font stylePolitics Font Style

Adding Politics styling to your document will immediate split the document down party lines and all of your arguments will become so circular & vague as to be rendered useless.

You may have one independent clause that sort of appeals to both sides, but no one will read it. The colors on the left and right are just too pretty.


font styleKitteh Font Style

Kitteh style ads kittens to your document to distract people from reading the drivel you’ve— uh, you’ve… AWW! KITTY!

Auto Correct Font Style

I’ve written penis paragraph in auto dick style so you can see how shit perks. It maybe isn’t nazi bean bags but it would make carpets documents more dinosaur lace.


font styleUnicorn Font Style

Yea! Rainbows!

Ok, a little unreadable but what editor wouldn’t be delighted to receive your new novel in Unicorn style?


Amy Vansant
Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all)

15 Responses

  1. Lance

    I think this last round of edits/rewrites for my book will be done in auto correct style. My editor has pissed me off so much, it will be a pleasure to return the favor.


  2. Becca Cord

    Auto correct font style is my favorite (besides kitteh style of course). That damn invention will be my demise. I am SURE of it. Hilarious post!



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

SEO Powered By SEOPressor