Tired of the same old font style buttons?
Bold is SO 1983.
Italics? That party was over before the cheese dip was cold.
Underline? Puh-LEEZE. Underline is as annoying as that aunt who sends emails IN ALL CAPS.
I’ve come up with a few ways Microsoft could update their Office suite for the 21st Century by including some new font style choices.
These are the little public services I like to perform now and again, when a judge demands it.
A Font Style Makeover
Gangnam Font Style
No video with over 200 million views can be wrong for a font effect. Sure, a Korean Andy Warhol in a neon yellow suit may inexplicably dance across your document, but your boss has secretly been watching the Psy video all day so he can stay “hip” and not end up with another “sexual harassment” suit for not understanding it is wrong to claim you are “down with the bitches” at the office. He won’t care.
Kardashian Font Style
You won’t be able to fit quite as many letters on a page using Kardashian styling, but your documents will be able to make money with no discernable talents. Just don’t let Kanye try and take the pen out of your hand and talk about what a better writer other girls are.
Taylor Swift Font Style
I was going to include a Taylor Swift font, but it was dumped.
Look for the whole story on her new album “Love is a Sucky Thing, I’m Prettier than Her. PS: I Hate You.”
Adding Politics styling to your document will immediate split the document down party lines and all of your arguments will become so circular & vague as to be rendered useless.
You may have one independent clause that sort of appeals to both sides, but no one will read it. The colors on the left and right are just too pretty.
Kitteh style ads kittens to your document to distract people from reading the drivel you’ve— uh, you’ve… AWW! KITTY!
Auto Correct Font Style
I’ve written penis paragraph in auto dick style so you can see how shit perks. It maybe isn’t nazi bean bags but it would make carpets documents more dinosaur lace.
Ok, a little unreadable but what editor wouldn’t be delighted to receive your new novel in Unicorn style?