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Shaky Cheese Arrives

Amy Vansant
Humor
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My brother-in-law Gary and his family are in Florida for the week and we are dog sitting Brock the Braque du Bourbonnais.

What is a Braque du Bourbonnais you ask?

I am told a Braque du Bourbonnais is a regal bird-hunting pointer known for being good with kids. There are only about three breeders in the United States.

In our particular case, a Braque is a 40lb jack rabbit that constantly shakes with excitement, is psychotic for birds, and who (when smiling) looks just like the Jack Russell wearing the mask in The Mask.

We make a lot of fun of this little freak. In addition to all those endearing traits he also:

  • Rubs his face on your face every chances he gets
  • Has some sort of incurable nose rot
  • Sheds
  • Expels horrific gas suitable for use in WWI trenches
  • Constantly tries to get under the covers when you sleep
  • Poops in the house
  • Has terrible breath
  • Skitters and shakes so much you can’t focus on him

He’s white and red.  He’s literally the red-headed stepchild. He’s Brock the Braque, but we call him Shaky Cheese.

I made a fake magazine cover to tease brother-in-law Gary about his new dog.  I created the cover in Photoshop, printed it on some glossy paper, glued it to a real dog magazine and put it in the magazine rack in the bathroom where I was sure Gary would stumble upon it during his morning constitutional. Instead, his daughter was in the bathroom during a family visit, and spotted the magazine first.

Little Camden brought the magazine out to Gary and said: “Hey Dad – there is a dog that looks just like Brock on this magazine!”

Gary glanced up at it and said, “Yeah it does…” and then went back to what he was doing. Then he looked up again, his brow furrowed with confusion.

“That really looks like Brock,” he said taking the magazine from Camden.

Then he started to read the quotes on the cover…

 

 COMBINING THIS POST WITH THE OTHER BROCK POST BELOW…SO YOU CAN FEEL THE REAL HORROR…

I mentioned in a previous post that my brother-in-law Gary’s dog, Brock the Braque du Bourbonnais, while actually being a very sweet dog, could be a tad gruesome. I thought I’d give you an example.

So while some of the time he is Dr. Jeckyll Brock…

 

When he is trying (and this is the ironic part) to ingratiate himself to you by smiling he becomes Mr. Hyde Brock:

Separated at Birth?

Yep. That is how he smiles. Cute, huh? Makes you just want to pick him up and snuggle, doesn’t it? Let’s just say if you die and find yourself in front of some iron doors awaiting entry to the afterlife and THIS GUY is guarding the gate, somewhere along the way in your life you screwed the pooch, so to speak. For your sake I hope it wasn’t this one.

I should add the glowing eyes are not because of the camera – that’s how they really appear.

Just kidding.

So anyway, the little guy went home yesterday. I’ll miss him. He’s not as bad as he looks.

But… how could he be, really?

Here’s a video of him in action.





Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries.
Amy Vansant

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12 Responses

  5. Abby

    Ummm…wow.
    I love dogs and know you can’t judge a book by it’s cover blah, blah, blah, but that thing’s kind of scary. Hopefully it’s neutered, as some things just don’t need to breed.

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  6. Deirdre Curran

    OH. MY. GAWD. I LOOOOOVE Braque…this is HILARIOUS! It’s not often at all that I actually laugh OUT LOUD and so hard that I shake and cry when I read something on the Internet these days…but this did it to me. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!

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    • Dana

      The only thing scarey about this dog is the gas he is expelling. This is a perfect example of a “submissive grin” much like a person with a BIG smile, showing all their teeth. This dog is adorable!

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  7. lafemmeroar

    Oh my. The teeth … vicious and loving … Braque would have been good at scaring the birds from pooping on your mailbox 🙂

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