Email This Post HomeHumorThe Superhero Fight Amy Vansant September 18, 2013 Humor 12 Comments This is why Mike and I never get any work done. Mike: Superman couldn’t get Lois Lane. He doesn’t have a job. Me: He has a job, he’s a reporter. Mike: Like a beat reporter. Plus he’s probably been laid off by now with the Internet and everything. What would Lois see in him? Me: He’s Superman. He can give Lois anything she wants. Mike: Except an apartment. Me: He could burrow down into the ground and bring back diamonds. Mike: He’d consider that stealing. Or at the very least, stealing jobs from Africans. Morally, he couldn’t do it. He’d be broke. If I could be a super hero, I’d be Batman. Me: But Batman doesn’t even have superpowers. You could die, and you’d have to work out and stay in shape… Mike: But I’d be super rich. I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I’d be a little moody… Me: Yeah! You’d be all moody and weird. Batman is an awful choice. Mike: But I’d dig a tunnel from our house to the neighbors house and use that as my bat cave. Me: The neighbors might have something to say about you popping up in their living room. Mike: I like Aquaman, too. Me: Aquaman is next to useless. And what does he do for a living? Mike: He can talk to dolphins! Me: Big deal! How often does that come in handy in real life? You think Lois would be better off with a guy who smells like fish? Mike: Aquaman is cool. Me: Aquaman is stupid. I’d be Jean Grey from the X-Men because she has telepathy and telekinesis which — Mike: She’s not a real person. Me: None of them are real people! Mike: I mean she doesn’t count. You have to choose from classic superheros. Superman, Batman… Me: They’re all D.C. comics. Mike: D.C. rules. Superfriends. Me: I’m more of a Marvel person. Mike: Screw the X-Men. When did they show up? Like the 60s? They don’t count. They’re a bunch of freaks. They probably all work as Carnies when they aren’t fighting crime. Me: They don’t work as carnies! Mike: Of course they do. What else are they going to do? Me: Actually, I think maybe The Blob did work in a Carnival… Mike: I’d be Batman. I’m no carnie. Me: Whatever. I’ll warn the neighbors you’re on the way. Freak. Mike: I’m Batman. Author Recent Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Too Many Book Deals, Steals, Kindle Giveaways… - May 27, 2020 Name the Hurricane Winners, Win a Kindle + Books - May 19, 2020 Name the Hurricane, Women Sleuths 99c Sale & Giveaway - May 14, 2020 12 Responses Bluzdude September 18, 2013 Batman has the best toys. That can’t be underestimated. 1 likes Reply Lance September 18, 2013 Mike is off base. Green Lantern – power ring & friendly with aliens Wolverine – bad ass, knives for fists, never has to be worried about being bullied despite being only 5’3″ Spiderman – awesome, and has two good looking girlfriends – MJ & Gwen Deadpool – funny Marvel FTW Hi, I’m a nerd. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant September 18, 2013 Oh I used to LOVE Deadpool back when I collected. And I loved Wolverine before everyone did, damn it. And I’ve always been into tall guys, go figure. But my one, true love, will always be Gambit. My god they drew him HOT. 0 likes Reply Matt September 18, 2013 I’ll throw out a vote for The Tick. You have to respect a hero who doesn’t let his status as a blithering idiot stand in the way of his quest for justice. 1 likes Reply Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point September 18, 2013 Anyone who even slightly entertains the thought of choosing to be Aquaman is not qualified enough to be making this choice for themselves. 1 likes Reply Amy Vansant September 18, 2013 I know, RIGHT? I mean, EVERYONE knows Aquaman is the lamest superhero of all time!! Don’t judge him too harshly. He was a “cool” kid in high school. Honestly, I don’t know how this relationship ever worked. 1 likes Reply cj September 18, 2013 Amy!!! HAHAHAHA!!! So many laugh out loud moments in this post. And then at the end, Mike actually claims to be Batman! That is off the hook. Tammy and I totally get this. We call it talking shit and we do it as much as possible. Nice work! 0 likes Reply Melissa Marie September 18, 2013 I had a similar conversation with a friend’s husband the other day. With his 4 year old singing Black Sabbath’s ‘Iron Man’ in the background. Kind of one of those best moment’s of my life kind of moments. 0 likes Reply bschooled September 19, 2013 Haha! I laughed at the part when Mike said that Superman was “Like a beat reporter.” And then I laughed even harder when I went online and Googled what a “beat reporter” actually is… 0 likes Reply Cher September 20, 2013 Batman all day long! Superman is way too “Aw, shucks!” He would probably be a major disappointment in the sack. 0 likes Reply Nina Potts September 21, 2013 This sounds very similar to mine and my girlfriends argument about Hawkeye. It took me a while to see he is somewhat useful (and a good read of his wikipedia page). Though we do agree on the uselessness of Ant Man. 0 likes Reply maab October 24, 2013 you didn’t mention that Dick Grayson was raised by a circus family? and that he and Batman had all that weird sexual tension? just saying… clearly Batman is into carnies… and Dick 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!