The Superhero Fight

This is why Mike and I never get any work done.

Superhero fightMike: Superman couldn’t get Lois Lane.  He doesn’t have a job.

Me: He has a job, he’s a reporter.

Mike: Like a beat reporter. Plus he’s probably been laid off by now with the Internet and everything. What would Lois see in him?

Me: He’s Superman. He can give Lois anything she wants.

Mike: Except an apartment.

Me: He could burrow down into the ground and bring back diamonds.

Mike: He’d consider that stealing. Or at the very least, stealing jobs from Africans. Morally, he couldn’t do it. He’d be broke. If I could be a super hero, I’d be Batman.

Me: But Batman doesn’t even have superpowers. You could die, and you’d have to work out and stay in shape…

Mike: But I’d be super rich. I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I’d be a little moody…

Me: Yeah! You’d be all moody and weird. Batman is an awful choice.

Mike: But I’d dig a tunnel from our house to the neighbors house and use that as my bat cave.

Me: The neighbors might have something to say about you popping up in their living room.

Mike: I like Aquaman, too.

Me:  Aquaman is next to useless. And what does he do for a living?

Mike: He can talk to dolphins!

Me:  Big deal! How often does that come in handy in real life? You think Lois would be better off with a guy who smells like fish?

Mike: Aquaman is cool.

Me:  Aquaman is stupid. I’d be Jean Grey from the X-Men because she has telepathy and telekinesis which —

Mike: She’s not a real person.

Me:  None of them are real people!

Mike: I mean she doesn’t count. You have to choose from classic superheros. Superman, Batman…

Me:  They’re all D.C. comics.

Mike: D.C. rules. Superfriends.

Me:  I’m more of a Marvel person.

Mike: Screw the X-Men. When did they show up? Like the 60s? They don’t count.  They’re a bunch of freaks. They probably all work as Carnies when they aren’t fighting crime.

Me:  They don’t work as carnies!

Mike: Of course they do. What else are they going to do?

Me:  Actually, I think maybe The Blob did work in a Carnival…

Mike: I’d be Batman. I’m no carnie.

Me:  Whatever. I’ll warn the neighbors you’re on the way. Freak.

Mike: I’m Batman.

Amy Vansant
Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all)

12 Responses

  1. Lance

    Mike is off base.

    Green Lantern – power ring & friendly with aliens

    Wolverine – bad ass, knives for fists, never has to be worried about being bullied despite being only 5’3″

    Spiderman – awesome, and has two good looking girlfriends – MJ & Gwen

    Deadpool – funny

    Marvel FTW

    Hi, I’m a nerd.


    • Amy Vansant

      Oh I used to LOVE Deadpool back when I collected. And I loved Wolverine before everyone did, damn it. And I’ve always been into tall guys, go figure.

      But my one, true love, will always be Gambit. My god they drew him HOT.


  2. Matt

    I’ll throw out a vote for The Tick. You have to respect a hero who doesn’t let his status as a blithering idiot stand in the way of his quest for justice.


    • Amy Vansant

      I know, RIGHT? I mean, EVERYONE knows Aquaman is the lamest superhero of all time!!

      Don’t judge him too harshly. He was a “cool” kid in high school. Honestly, I don’t know how this relationship ever worked.


  3. cj

    Amy!!! HAHAHAHA!!! So many laugh out loud moments in this post. And then at the end, Mike actually claims to be Batman! That is off the hook. Tammy and I totally get this. We call it talking shit and we do it as much as possible. Nice work!


  4. Melissa Marie

    I had a similar conversation with a friend’s husband the other day. With his 4 year old singing Black Sabbath’s ‘Iron Man’ in the background. Kind of one of those best moment’s of my life kind of moments.


  5. bschooled

    Haha! I laughed at the part when Mike said that Superman was “Like a beat reporter.”

    And then I laughed even harder when I went online and Googled what a “beat reporter” actually is…


  6. Cher

    Batman all day long!

    Superman is way too “Aw, shucks!”

    He would probably be a major disappointment in the sack.


  7. Nina Potts

    This sounds very similar to mine and my girlfriends argument about Hawkeye. It took me a while to see he is somewhat useful (and a good read of his wikipedia page).

    Though we do agree on the uselessness of Ant Man.


  8. maab

    you didn’t mention that Dick Grayson was raised by a circus family? and that he and Batman had all that weird sexual tension?

    just saying… clearly Batman is into carnies… and Dick



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