This is why Mike and I never get any work done.
Me: He has a job, he’s a reporter.
Mike: Like a beat reporter. Plus he’s probably been laid off by now with the Internet and everything. What would Lois see in him?
Me: He’s Superman. He can give Lois anything she wants.
Mike: Except an apartment.
Me: He could burrow down into the ground and bring back diamonds.
Mike: He’d consider that stealing. Or at the very least, stealing jobs from Africans. Morally, he couldn’t do it. He’d be broke. If I could be a super hero, I’d be Batman.
Me: But Batman doesn’t even have superpowers. You could die, and you’d have to work out and stay in shape…
Mike: But I’d be super rich. I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I’d be a little moody…
Me: Yeah! You’d be all moody and weird. Batman is an awful choice.
Mike: But I’d dig a tunnel from our house to the neighbors house and use that as my bat cave.
Me: The neighbors might have something to say about you popping up in their living room.
Mike: I like Aquaman, too.
Me: Aquaman is next to useless. And what does he do for a living?
Mike: He can talk to dolphins!
Me: Big deal! How often does that come in handy in real life? You think Lois would be better off with a guy who smells like fish?
Mike: Aquaman is cool.
Me: Aquaman is stupid. I’d be Jean Grey from the X-Men because she has telepathy and telekinesis which —
Mike: She’s not a real person.
Me: None of them are real people!
Mike: I mean she doesn’t count. You have to choose from classic superheros. Superman, Batman…
Me: They’re all D.C. comics.
Mike: D.C. rules. Superfriends.
Me: I’m more of a Marvel person.
Mike: Screw the X-Men. When did they show up? Like the 60s? They don’t count. They’re a bunch of freaks. They probably all work as Carnies when they aren’t fighting crime.
Me: They don’t work as carnies!
Mike: Of course they do. What else are they going to do?
Me: Actually, I think maybe The Blob did work in a Carnival…
Mike: I’d be Batman. I’m no carnie.
Me: Whatever. I’ll warn the neighbors you’re on the way. Freak.
Mike: I’m Batman.
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