Thank you for calling Aruba.
If you are calling for tourist information, please, please, please press 1.
If you would like more information on how you can be killed on our island and then have us conduct your murder investigation like our heads are firmly planted in our asses, please press 2.
If you are a psychopath wishing to reach your rich, powerful family in order to avoid a second murder charge, please press 3.
If you are calling to tell us our entire government should be hung at dawn for setting Joran van der Sloot free after the first murder, please press 4.
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