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38 Responses

  1. Abby

    Ugh. Chauncey is usually really good and lets us know when he’s going to puke. He’ll also lick his lips and scoot to the back door to go outside, which at least is on the kitchen floor and not the carpet. But he’s little-no projectile volcanic eruptions of vomit when he does yack.

    As for the cat, I end up chasing her around with a towel when the noise starts, which scares here and ends up creating a hairball/puke trail throughout the house. Lucky for us all, I never follow the leader and puke myself. It takes much more than that 😉

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    • Amy Vansant

      You have no idea how lucky you are. Both Gordon and his cousin, Brock, will run for MILES to find a carpet to barf on (and in Brock’s case, poop on. Moron.) Gordon won’t even eat a bone on a hard floor. He’ll find a 2″ x 2″ piece of cloth and eat on top of that.

      In all fairness, Mike has been wrestling a stomach flu, so he was a little hair trigger…

         1 likes

  2. wardegus

    All three of my animals are pukers. I’ve long given up trying to catch it but instead focus on moving them to an easily cleanable surface. When I hear their retching sound I spring into action and chase them off the bed or rug or whatever.

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    • Amy Vansant

      Gordon is 65lbs and has the ability to make himself weigh approximately 2667lbs if someone tries to move him – to make room on the bed, or to relocate a barf, for example.

         1 likes

  3. SarcasticNinja

    Man, that ”Hrmph hrmph hrmph” song was so overplayed. I was glad when it finally was knocked off the charts by “I Like it Ruff (When I Hump Your Leg).”

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  4. kath galasso

    Well, mine’s usually controllable incontinence issue is not so controllable today.

    My favorite barf move, is grabbing her by the collar and dragging her large, furry ass to the area of least destruction. Sometimes it works.

    Then there are the rare occasions when she actually moves from a carpeted area to the tiled kitchen floor, all on her own.

    And yes, I have one of those men with the gag reflex. Like WTF is with that? They can down 43 shots of vodka, 12 beers and nachos and be fine. A dog starts to get queasy and that they can’t handle.

    How many more lifetimes until women run the world? Just asking.

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    • Amy Vansant

      You made that bit about her moving on her own up, didn’t you?

      Mike already had some tummy issues, so I’m letting this one pass.

      (whispering) Cool. Keep saying in public we don’t already rule the world and they won’t realize we already do. Nice job.

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      • kath galasso

        Actually, I didn’t make it up. She has done it on at least 3 occasions. I can only attribute this to her being a rescue dog and her previous owners must have taught her good manners. It sure as shit wasn’t us.

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  5. Jessica

    I’ve done this dance – but with the kids. They’ve actually convinced me, with their various forms of stomach pyrotechnics over the years, that I never want a pet of any sort (unless they can find one without a digestive system). Hope your day picks up! Although really… how could it not?

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    • Amy Vansant

      Kid vomit would get to me. I’m sure, after a while, I’d grow numb to it like I have to dog vomit, but when I’m around kids and they burp up I have to look away quick and start thinking about flowers and unicorns…

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    • Laura

      I once witnessed a friend being vomited on by her toddler – that was the moment I decided “oh HELL no!” to having kids. We have cats – and yes, they do vomit too. But if they start to vomit while on me I have absolutely no compunction about tossing them across the room! We solved the carpet problem by not having any: laminate throughout the house makes for easy cleanups.

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  6. Carrie

    I think I just peed my pants laughing, which is unfortunate since I’m at work.

    Also, yesterday when I got home from work I was taking my jewelry off in my bedroom when I heard the hrmph hrmph hrmph — I quickly looked around and realized it was coming from UNDER the bed so naturally I started screaming “do NOT barf under my bed. Stop, Get out of there!” Spike just acted like I was speaking human and ignored me. Bastard.

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  7. Tiffany N. York

    And here I thought I was the only one in the world who started off today with puke. I have a bulimic cat. She throws up immediately after she eats–nice big chunks of undigested food mixed with bile, grass, and fur. Always on the carpet, even though half my house has floor. I too, scream “Nooooooo!!!” which causes her to run, spreading drops of joy everywhere.

    My diva Chihuahua’s the easy one. She just poops and pees on the carpet. Much easier to clean up. Unless of course it’s diarrhea.

    Anyway, I can pretty much gauge how my day is gonna go, depending on whether the cat throws up or not.

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  8. Michele Drier

    Want a cat? He coughs up his hairballs strategically, right beside the bed where I’ll step on it on the way to the bathroom.
    OK, off to buy another keyboard because I spit coffee all over thissssmmmmmone.

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  9. Nicole

    Poetry. Sheer poetry. Mojo read it over my shoulder to learn how to make his barfs more fun.

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  10. Nina Potts

    Only people who have had to clean up animal vomit repeatedly can understand this.

    I once dove for the floor, hands cupped and outstretched, barely catching the vomit as it escaped my cats mouth. Many people will shudder at this. However, I had JUST had my carpets cleaned, and the cat was of course on the freshly cleaned carpet.

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    • Amy Vansant

      Yes, I think all pet owners harbor secret shame over some of the things we’ve done in the interest of time, saving carpets, etc.

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    • Amy Vansant

      Yep. That’s Gordon. HAS to be carpet. And since we have all hardwood, the bed makes a good fallback.

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  11. soynailcider

    Why is it they get into this trance as you try to guide them to a tiled area? Poor things.
    On the other hand..I am the one you will find gagging in the hallway.

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  12. Julie

    OMG…this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. And SOOO true! I have a cat that I swear goes out of his way to vomit in places that are impossible to clean…like window tracks…

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  13. Tammy

    All 4 of my cats puke everywhere, all the time. And the dog – if I’m not lightning fast – will eat the puke. So gross.

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      • Amy Vansant

        No… though I hate it when I take the dog to the house of someone with a cat and he tears through the place looking for poop to eat. That’s not my son. That’s not my smart beautiful boy…

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  14. Mistress Bedlam

    I laughed so hard at this tears ran down my leg.

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  15. Virginia Fair

    Thanks for this re-run. I am struck by the synchronicity of it appearing on a morning when my sleep was interrupted by the feline version of hrmph, hrmph, hrmph, which is ghnk, ghnk, ghnk. Dashing through the living room, turning on lights as I entered the dining room, I was too late. I found a hairball sausage swimming in clear liquid – a two squares of paper towel capacity.

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