We, the Livers of the Kid-Free Lifestyle: (not to be confused with the Intestines of the Kid-Free Lifestyle…)
- Will not produce offspring, even though we know they would be better and smarter than any other kids we’ve ever met.
- We will be patient with the people who tilt their heads and sadly stare at us when we say we don’t want or don’t have children because they believe we are missing a magical precious thing, all the while reminding ourselves that we are not contributing the over crowding of the planet and that when we’re done talking to these people about diaper changing we can go have a cocktail while they return to their hectic lives.
- We will always strive to revel in and truly appreciate the fact that we don’t have to tend to the lives of those self-centered disease-carriers known as children by getting out and doing fun things, traveling, eating out… all the things the parents used to enjoy.
- To satiate any maternal or paternal instincts that just won’t seem to die, we will dote unnecessarily on our dogs (or, in a pinch, cats or other pets). This may include making up nicknames for them, giving them funny voices with which they talk to us, letting them sleep in our beds – refusing to make them move even when our legs and back are beginning to spasm because they are taking up all the room.
- We will strive to make strong, long-lasting friendships with people younger than us so we have people to take care of us in our old age – just in case our spouses or younger siblings die before us. Otherwise, we are screwed.