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The Twitter Stars Align

Amy Vansant
Humor
8 Comments

Sometimes magical stars align on Twitter. Take this line up ->

Not only do the two bottom pictures meld into one big long face, but the top icon seems amused, looking down on Ms. Long Face. And if you read them all together it’s like reading a sexy novel.

Deep sigh…

Frustrated Nympho!

*Starlight*

[aaand… SCENE.]

(*starlight* is clearly a euphemism for orgasm. But you probably got that. The euphemism that is, not the orgasm. Though if you could get an orgasm just by typing *starlight* I would start a company that did nothing but make replacement asterisk keys for keyboards and I would be a BAZILLIONAIRE and people would leap out of bed, eager to get to work, especially close-captioning people, which would be fine for them, but deaf people would be like “Is it me, or does it seem like Gordon Ramsay says *starlight* a lot??”)

Long Face is probably a” frustrated nympho” because her face is freakishly long and during sex she screams STARLIGHT!  STARLIGHT! over and over, which her lovers find annoying. “Tracey” is actually Long Face’s sister and she has that evil smirk because she’s always been “the pretty one.” But what she doesn’t know is Frustrated Nympho just found out that Tracey is ADOPTED, news she knows will break Tracey’s heart because that bitch is always flitting around bragging about how much she looks like her mother, European supermodel Zooey “The Golden Kumquat” Gazelle. Who, it turns out, IS NOT HER MOTHER AT ALL.

Or am I reading too much into this?

Amy Vansant
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8 Responses

  1. Scargosun

    There is a reason everything that happens in the universe…even the odd drinking of a spiked cocktail while supervising your Twitter feed.

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    • Amy Vansant

      Are you implying I was somehow impaired when I wrote this? Actually I was stone sober – that might have been the problem.

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  2. Lance

    anyone attempting a sexy profile picture becomes unsexy to me, forever.

    If you don’t have a blog or business I suggest using the name of a cartoon character, because that;’s clearly what those “ladies” are, cartoons

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    • Amy Vansant

      I have a problem with all forms of that. People constantly saying how “Crazy” they are, generally are not crazy – just desperate to seem so. I’m so funny. I’m so this, I’m so that. Shut up and BE it. Or don’t. Nobody cares. If you have to tell me what you are, you’re DOING IT WRONG.

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    • Amy Vansant

      Hey girl, why the long face? I blurt that every time I see Tori Spelling. God I hope I never meet her in person.

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  4. tracey

    Now all I can think of is screaming “Starlight!” when I orgasm. That’ll shock my husband. Heh.

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