Email This Post HomeHumorWalk With Me… Amy Vansant January 10, 2012 Humor 16 Comments I don’t usually write posts that are classic Personal “hey look what I did today though I can’t imagine why you would give a crap” Blog style- but I’m making a exception to document in my digital diary the walk that Mike, Gordon and I traverse just about every day. This way, when I’m old, I can read it on my eyelid screens and think about the crazy things I used to do when I was younger, like “walk” and “hear.” Ahhh… we start our walk by awaking to another beautiful day and having the same conversation we have every morning: Mike: “Should we walk?” Me: “Hell no.” Gordon the Labradoodle: “What?? Did someone say WALK??! HOLYHELLYESYESYESYESYESWALKWALKWALKWALK!!!!!!!” Mike: “Should we get it over with?” Me: *sigh* “Yeah…” Gordon: “WALKWALKWALKWALKWALKWALK!!!!!” Mike: “This SUCKS.” Gordon: AAAahahahaaawwwwheeeeeeeeee! We go over one of the bridges, guarded by the local Demonic Bridge Troll, who asks us a riddle. If we get it right, we can cross. Today’s riddle: Demonic Bridge Troll (DBT): “Who loves WALKS??!!! WHOO!!! WHOO!!!” Me: Um, you? DBT: “YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” It’s always the same riddle. We always get it right. This trail would be a lot faster if I could bike it instead of walk it. Now where did I put my bike…? Worst Christmas Tree Decoration EVER. This is what we like to call “Abandoned-old-car-in-the-middle-of-the-woods-whaaa??” Somewhere, there are some old men with a REALLY good drunk driving story from 1963, when it was not only legal, but encouraged, much like slapping your secretary’s ass to show her your appreciation for a job well done. Which, incidentally, can also get you killed. In addition to riddles, we are faced with other choices on a daily basis. If you’re like me, you’ll take a shot in the behind and possible exposure to tuberculosis over going back to high school any day. We first met this pile of bones as an actual dead deer at the bottom of a small ravine. She’s lost a lot of weight for NYC Fashion Week since then. It was rutting season when we first spotted her carcass. She was probably running away from a would-be rapist and fell and broke her leg. That chick was DETERMINED to remain Kid-Free. Death before Bambi. Rest in peace my little soldier. Sometimes we run across a woman we call “The Walker” (not to be confused with Walker Texas Ranger) and her two dogs, one of which humiliates our poor beta dog with aggressive posturing until I get embarrassed for him and stand between them and pretend I just happened to be there. I’ve made a mental note that if I am ever magically turned into a gnome, raccoon or other small woodland creature, I should claim this hidey-hole as my home. It is charming and waterfront. Hopefully, I will be an otter or beaver because there does seem to be some flooding issues. Creepy lean-to that appeared along the trail one day. No idea why. Feel it is probably somehow related to the car, but don’t know how. This is pretty in the summer. Now it is just a frozen tundra, but it broke up the “brown” theme of these pictures in case you were starting to feel like killing yourself. This is where we have spotted men cutting wood in the public forest. We suspect this is illegal, but pretend we don’t see them so that we are not brutally murdered or asked to squeal like a pig. Some one has been piling little cairn rock formations lately. Very Blair-Witchy. More on that later. Or we’ll just go missing, victims of a centuries old witch’s curse. One of those. And finally, I am crushed by a falling tree, hence released from every having to walk this brutal, steep forest trail again. Hooray Crushing Tree! Author Recent Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Pineapple Hurricane is Released + Even More Giveaways (three chances to win a kindle) - June 4, 2020 Too Many Book Deals, Steals, Kindle Giveaways… - May 27, 2020 Name the Hurricane Winners, Win a Kindle + Books - May 19, 2020 16 Responses Jessica January 10, 2012 I enjoyed this little stroll with you along your trail. 🙂 I love hiking and trail running and it’s always fun to see where other people do these things. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant January 10, 2012 Well you didn’t get any exercise, but you didn’t have to break a sweat either! 0 likes Reply Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd January 10, 2012 That’s the fluffiest, most adorable troll I’ve ever seen. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant January 10, 2012 Yeah, he needs to work on that. 0 likes Reply Name (Required) January 10, 2012 A lovely way to start the morning. Thanks for taking me along 🙂 0 likes Reply liz January 10, 2012 love the nature-walk commentary! i think similar things when i get dragged on walks but generally people don’t have enough patience for me to take pics 0 likes Reply Jessica January 10, 2012 I enjoyed the stroll. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant January 11, 2012 Thanks for strolling along! 0 likes Reply JustMe January 11, 2012 Why is there ALWAYS that random, broken down car in the middle of the woods? When I was a kid, there was a broken down white VAN. So many frightening stories of the murderer or peeping tom who lived there… Of course no one actually lived there, but our parents continued to pass those stories along so their kids wouldn’t need 50 tetanus shots after playing around rusted metal all day.. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant January 11, 2012 Yeah, we always peer in as we past expecting to see a crazy homeless person… 0 likes Reply Jen January 11, 2012 This is a much more entertaining walk than what my husband and I have with the dogs. I have to say I’m happy that we aren’t coming across homeless people and dead carcasses. We have spotted a freaky little stone and feather formation that looks like someone was thinking about sacrificing a pigeon or something. I like the narrated photo tours. I think you should do more of them. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant January 12, 2012 Thanks! I’m about to walk to the bathroom… hold on… let me get my camera… 0 likes Reply iampisspot January 12, 2012 Wow, what a stunning place you live! I loved your stroll in photos – I felt sad for the deer – I’m a bit of a softie like that. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant January 12, 2012 When we found her she hadn’t been dead long. Her leg was snapped at a horrible angle. I felt sick for quite some time after, worrying that she’d suffered and wondering if we’d just walked the day before if we might have found her and had someone help her or at least put her out of her misery. 🙁 0 likes Reply iampisspot January 12, 2012 Oh, that’s so sad. I work in a royal park which is home to 300 deer – each year, they cull approximately 60 of them – I can’t stand it – I feel like telling them all ‘run for your lives!’ My co-workers laugh at me. Bah. 0 likes SallyBishop January 17, 2012 Caught your blog on Skirt.com. I enjoyed both of them. 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!