Why I always have to do everything

An actual conversation with my husband, Mike.

Mike: The lid is still off the hot tub and it is too cold for me to go put it back on.

Amy: Come on, I always do it.

Mike: Sorry, can’t do it. I’ll leave it open all night. I’ll leave it until it is filled with copperheads and rats.

Amy: Copperheads and rats?

Mike: Yep.

Amy: And how exactly are copperhead snakes getting in the hot tub?

Mike: They come out of the bay. And I’ll tell you what, if electric eels get in there, you’re going to be sorry.

Amy: Electric eels… How do they get in there exactly?

Mike: It’s cold and they can sense the heat. They aren’t stupid. They come out of the bay and sliver up into the hot tub.

Amy: They sliver up there?  What are you cockney now? (with English accent) “Ooh aww, them snakes are gonna sliver up the street, Governor!”

Mike: I just call it like I see it.

Amy: And I don’t know if there are copperhead snakes in Maryland.

Mike: Then how do you explain the Great Copperhead Invasion?

Amy: The Copperhead Invasion.

Mike: Yes. The Copperhead Invasion. Where do you think the song comes from? (singing to the tune of Depeche Mode’s Black Celebration) It’s a Copperhead Invasion…

At this point I go and put on the hot tub cover. He wins again.


Amy Vansant

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