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Why Men Can’t Hit the Toilet

Amy Vansant
Humor
12 Comments
By Didier Descouens - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=26449955

By Didier Descouens – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=26449955

It’s always been a mystery to me, why men can’t seem to hit the toilet 100% of the time, but I think I have new insight.

My husband Mike went into our basement bathroom last night while I was sitting outside on the patio. It seemed to be taking a while, so I looked through the glass sliding door and saw him inside in the frame of the open bathroom door, on his hands and knees.

Hm. I know he doesn’t always stand when he goes, but on his hands and knees seemed like an impossible feat.

He came outside a little while later and I asked him why he’d been in the bathroom on his hands and knees.

Turns out he’d been standing, going, when he noticed one of those fuzzy centipede things crawling toward his foot. He shifted his foot (splash!) and the centipede also shifted direction to continue heading for his foot. He shifted his foot again (splash!) but the centipede seemed determined to touch him. So he generally freaked out (splash! splash! splash! splash!) jumping and leaping to escape the relentless centipede, painting the walls and floor as he went.

He was on his hands and knees cleaning it up.

Stepping on the bug had of course not been an option. I am happy to report that after the fact, grabbing it in a tissue was.

In other news, I’d like to report that my cozy mystery, Pineapple Lies, is a semi-finalist in The Kindle Book Review Awards! Whoo whoo!

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In other, other news, I’ve re-covered my urban fantasy novels Angeli and Cherubim in anticipation for the third (so far unnamed) book in an attempt to give the trilogy a consistent look. Covers done by the infinitely talented Steven Novak (who I highly recommend, he’s lovely to work with) and I love them! I’m on chapter twenty-three of book three so that should be out in August (I hope!)

 

 

 

Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries.
Amy Vansant

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12 Responses

  1. Michele Drier

    But what’s the explanation when no bugs are involved? BIG congrats on the Kindle nomination, you’re going gangbusters!

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  2. David Wind

    You’re lucky he didn’t decide to change aim and drown it before it reached his foot. That’s really the number 1 option, ya know….

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  3. Linda Moffitt

    I LOVE when they sit to pee and just FYI It is Healthier for them to sit when they pee I believe it’s beneficial for their prostate Now to unteach my 2 boys from standing and teach them to sit

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  4. Sharon Leach

    Congrats on the Kindle nomination!
    What is the explanation for a man who doesn’t drink and hasn’t chased insects? In all my years I have never understood why he misses the bowl.

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  6. Marilyn J. Prange

    Dear Any, My husband ‘sits’, but calls me when there is a bug …or anything that moves… needs termination!!!! I am a pro bug-killer since we moved to FLORIDA!!!
    Congrats on your Kindle nomination…you deserve it! Puddercat

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    • Tanya

      Never want to kill those House Centapedes. They kill spiders, termites and other creepy crawlies. If someone bred and sold them, I’d buy a bunch and turn them loose in my house.

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