Email This Post HomeHumorWhy Men Can’t Hit the Toilet Amy Vansant July 5, 2016 Humor 12 Comments By Didier Descouens – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=26449955 It’s always been a mystery to me, why men can’t seem to hit the toilet 100% of the time, but I think I have new insight. My husband Mike went into our basement bathroom last night while I was sitting outside on the patio. It seemed to be taking a while, so I looked through the glass sliding door and saw him inside in the frame of the open bathroom door, on his hands and knees. Hm. I know he doesn’t always stand when he goes, but on his hands and knees seemed like an impossible feat. He came outside a little while later and I asked him why he’d been in the bathroom on his hands and knees. Turns out he’d been standing, going, when he noticed one of those fuzzy centipede things crawling toward his foot. He shifted his foot (splash!) and the centipede also shifted direction to continue heading for his foot. He shifted his foot again (splash!) but the centipede seemed determined to touch him. So he generally freaked out (splash! splash! splash! splash!) jumping and leaping to escape the relentless centipede, painting the walls and floor as he went. He was on his hands and knees cleaning it up. Stepping on the bug had of course not been an option. I am happy to report that after the fact, grabbing it in a tissue was. In other news, I’d like to report that my cozy mystery, Pineapple Lies, is a semi-finalist in The Kindle Book Review Awards! Whoo whoo! In other, other news, I’ve re-covered my urban fantasy novels Angeli and Cherubim in anticipation for the third (so far unnamed) book in an attempt to give the trilogy a consistent look. Covers done by the infinitely talented Steven Novak (who I highly recommend, he’s lovely to work with) and I love them! I’m on chapter twenty-three of book three so that should be out in August (I hope!) About Latest Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Reptile Housewives of Jupiter, Giveaway and Book Deals - June 20, 2019 JupUp? Turtles, crabs and birds (oh my) in Jupiter Florida, Giveaway and Book Deals - June 15, 2019 Local Ebay is a Nightmare, Book Giveaway – Steals & Deals - June 2, 2019 12 Responses Michele Drier July 5, 2016 But what’s the explanation when no bugs are involved? BIG congrats on the Kindle nomination, you’re going gangbusters! 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 5, 2016 Usually then booze is involved I think. Thank you! 0 likes Reply David Wind July 5, 2016 You’re lucky he didn’t decide to change aim and drown it before it reached his foot. That’s really the number 1 option, ya know…. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 5, 2016 That’s a good point… 0 likes Reply Linda Moffitt July 5, 2016 I LOVE when they sit to pee and just FYI It is Healthier for them to sit when they pee I believe it’s beneficial for their prostate Now to unteach my 2 boys from standing and teach them to sit 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 5, 2016 Mike sits 99% of the time. Figures the one time he stood he was attacked by insects! 0 likes Reply Barry Knister July 5, 2016 Be a stand-up guy, I say. Any man who voluntarily sits down to pee has gone over to the pink side. 0 likes Reply Sharon Leach July 5, 2016 Congrats on the Kindle nomination! What is the explanation for a man who doesn’t drink and hasn’t chased insects? In all my years I have never understood why he misses the bowl. 0 likes Reply EM Kaplan July 6, 2016 At least he was cleaning up! 🙂 2 likes Reply Marilyn J. Prange July 7, 2016 Dear Any, My husband ‘sits’, but calls me when there is a bug …or anything that moves… needs termination!!!! I am a pro bug-killer since we moved to FLORIDA!!! Congrats on your Kindle nomination…you deserve it! Puddercat 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 7, 2016 Thank you!! 0 likes Reply Tanya August 27, 2016 Never want to kill those House Centapedes. They kill spiders, termites and other creepy crawlies. If someone bred and sold them, I’d buy a bunch and turn them loose in my house. 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!