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Why You Shouldn’t Mix Manhattans with Wine

  1. You wake up and it sounds like there is a tiny woman in your skull screaming at the top of her lungs while she rips out chunks of your brain.
  2. You stumble out to find the kitchen and living room covered in empty wine bottles, glasses, playing cards and heartburn medicine bottles.
  3. You burst into tears watching Olympic synchronized swimming, which immediately shifts into uncontrollable giggles at how stupid you are.
  4. About the time you get that under control, you burst into tears watching an inspirational Nike commercial. You ask your husband to put you down.
  5. You check your email and find this photo you sent yourself from the night before of your husband playing knife games with your friend.

Please send help.

Amy Vansant

Amy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries.
Amy Vansant

23 Responses

  1. SarcasticNinja

    Just so long as the inspirational Nike message of “Just Do It” doesn’t lead to more tear-fueled knife games.

    Although actually, I bet a lot of Olympic sports would be more gripping if knives were involved…

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    • Amy Vansant

      It was a bunch of older women talking about achieving in sports and then their voices would come out of little girls saying the same things and then *sob!*

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  2. will

    Oh amy..lmao i sucked down to many vodka martinis last night an you hit the nail on the head except the husband part for me .. hahahaha well done yet again. where have you been hiding all my life ? 🙂

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    • Amy Vansant

      You have my sympathies. I NEVER used to get hangovers, and I have to say I could have lived without them FOREVER.

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  3. Abby

    Are you sure that’s not just menopause? I’ve never had a Manhattan, but after only one vodka gimlet I usually end up sobbing and synchronized swimming in my bath tub. Good times.

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    • Amy Vansant

      So you just waltz over to my blog and call me OLD?! You, sir, are a scoundrel! (imagine me slapping you with a white glove)

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      • Abby

        I was going to say PMSing or pregnant-another stereotypical narrow perception of emotional women-but I didn’t want to get yelled at for that 😉

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  4. Aiyana

    Somehow, without even seeing the picture, I guessed at who else might be involved in such an evening!

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  5. Stacey

    Whenever I’m around people who are drinking they start talking politics and get shouty. I need to hang out with more entertaining drunks.

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    • Amy Vansant

      Yeah that doesn’t sound like fun. We play with knives and argue over important things like who’s the best Muppet.

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